Dead Class Pets

I'm Going Out with Number 14 !

Sarah Garb — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 01:36:00 GMT

The classroom number system: Know it, love it. It just makes it so easy when all of the kids have numbers - We're on a field trip and I panic for a second that we've lost someone - I can run through all of the numbers in order in no time flat and make...(read more)

Samuel Alito Thinks I'm Funny

Sarah Garb — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 00:29:00 GMT

Today I received THE. Most. Amazing. Card. EVER. Even from just the front, there were already two fancycomponents: a sticker AND scented marker. If I had to guess on the flavor I'd say purple sugar. But it gets far, far better. Yes, Mariana made me a...(read more)

Excitement and Adventure

Sarah Garb — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 20:41:00 GMT

In my opinion, a successful student departure from the classroom would go roughly as follows: *When (and only when) called by a teacher, gather all belongings, including your lunchbox and homework, and even that project you've left here for three days....(read more)

The Most Delicious Flavor of All

Sarah Garb — Sun, 11 Mar 2012 18:27:00 GMT

It's here! The new taste sensation sweeping the third grade! No, I'm not talking about cherry flavoring that's so tasty that kids are willing to overlook the fact that it's actually attached to medicine . Though, a couple of sprays of cherry Chloraseptic...(read more)

The Most Evil Product in My Classroom

Sarah Garb — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 02:10:00 GMT

Dear 3-M Research and Development Team, WhileI thoroughly appreciate many of your products, I feel obligated to inform youthat pop-up dispenser Post-Its are officially the most evil office product evercreated. Allow me to elaborate. Firstly,you should...(read more)

Advice

Sarah Garb — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 22:44:00 GMT

So I'm just now done collecting all of my nickels for each time someone has asked me these luuuuvvvv-related questions . I have used my newfound abundance of nickels to award three lucky readers instant-gratification copies of My Funny Valentine ! As...(read more)

Bam! Right to Your Kindle

Sarah Garb — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 23:00:00 GMT

Man, if I had a nickel for every time someone asked me these questions this Valentine's Day season! What can I say to a guy when he fails to drop his current girlfriend for me? Are the girlfriend's freckles fair game for insults? What three choices should...(read more)

Magnet Man

Sarah Garb — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:44:00 GMT

Some might call them an impulse purchase. I call them...um.... objectively awesome . Take a gander: I was at Staples several years ago to pick up some blankDVDs and a plastic pencil box, or something equally personality-free, whenthis guy caught my eye....(read more)

The Purple Basket is Coming for You

Sarah Garb — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 22:17:00 GMT

I am rather surprised to report that classroom cleaning has gone too far. The road to the current situation of over-cleaning began with the problem of too much being left out at the end of the day. A dense layer of pencils, folders, papers, pencils, a...(read more)

Now on Amazon!

Sarah Garb — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 01:10:00 GMT

Love is in the air! And by that, of course, I mean red-wrapped, heart-shaped candy is in the air! Yes, Valentine's Day Candy Season has begun. And what better way to enjoy a box of chocolates than while reading America's most hilarious writers on the...(read more)

Who Wears That?

Sarah Garb — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 22:07:00 GMT

Today I was called out on not having weather-appropriateshoes by an eight-year-old. Surprisingly enough, it was not the first time an eight-year-old boy has weighed in on my attire . This afternoon we were out on the playground, kidsfrolicking in the...(read more)

Keep It on the Down Low

Sarah Garb — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 21:51:00 GMT

The news would have caused a wide-spread hysteria that I just wasn't up for. The news, that is, of what was hanging out at the bottom of the recycling bin. (You know this is not going to be pretty--stories of trash cans and other trash-adjacent receptacles...(read more)

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's Poster Man!

Sarah Garb — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 03:32:00 GMT

images.wikia.com Yes, you too can become your very own superhero! All it takes is a cape or sufficiently cape-looking item, and you're golden. Alana, Tarik, and I were busily preparing last week after school for our big school presentation . We were down...(read more)

Three Things You Don't have to Worry About

Sarah Garb — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 23:42:00 GMT

STOLEN IDEA ALERT: Time magazine publishes various "Things You Don't have to Worry About This Week." I like it. I'm borrowing. Three Things You Don't have to Worry About This Week image: Wikipedia 1. Losing Money on iPod Stocks: If you are worried about...(read more)

Your Awesomeness

Sarah Garb — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 01:42:00 GMT

Any day that the Mathemagical Wizard shows up at school is an awesome day. He drops by our whole school meetings to deliver the new mathemagical problem of the week, and is met with the appropriate level of amazement for a real, live, purple and blue...(read more)