I don't like "Freedom Writers." It might sound like sacrilige to mention it around teachers, but I think the movie sends the wrong message about teaching. It's a quiet, implicit message - so subtle people miss it in the midst of the melodrama and inspiring stories. It is the idea that my career defines my life; that I should spend all of my time and energy being the best teacher I can be. It's easy to slip into this myth. I can watch "Stand and Deliver" and miss the fact that Jaime never stands up for his family or delivers the faithfulness his wife and children need. After watching "Dangerous Minds," I can slip into a dangerous mindset that says, "I can pull all of my students out of poverty by teaching them poetry."
The problem with silverscreen superteachers is that they are not authentic. They last two hours. There's no skin, no depth - just moving fragments of light, twenty feet tall on a blank screen. The world I inhabit requires me to hold my urge to pee for four class periods. It's a world where my lunch can all too easily be a bag of Cheez-Its and a candy bar. And my sons are not side characters who will come and go. To them, I'm their main character and they cry if I show up right before their bedtime.
I mention this because I slipped into the silverscreen superteacher mindset last year. In third quarter, I worked on restructuring our school and creating a technology magnet and attempting to find scholarships for students. I threw myself into the IMPACT program and, in the process, grew irritated by any sign of student apathy. Somewhere in the fourth quarter, I hit a wall. I walked into my classroom and felt a gnawing sense that I had lost something. It wasn't as dramatic as a panic attack, but I felt disconnected to the students and to my family and even to myself.
The problem with burn-out is that, it happens so subtly. For me, I was so busy, I could not question whether I was burnt out. I knew a few things; that I felt a little irritated and that I had gained weight and that I resented "wasted" time when other teachers stopped by on my prep period.
So, here's what I changed. It's not a formula. I'm not sure if it will help anyone, but this is what had to change for me:
- Take care of myself physically: I started to run again and to avoid eating as much junk food. I told myself that I would let papers go ungraded if it meant running. I have more energy and I've gone from 220 pounds to 190 in a period of four months.
- Take care of myself spiritually: I engaged with church. I prayed when I ran. I turned off the radio in the car and prayed there. I began to think about God differently - as if he wasn't an item on my to do list; as if he actually wanted to be with me. My wife and I joined a small group and I actually let myself be vulnerable.
- Take care of myself relationally: I began to engage with people again. I started spending more time with people, asking questions and drawing out their story.
- Take care of myself mentally: In my case, this meant carving out time for writing. I began working on a book, where I could process what I was thinking about teaching
- Take care of my schedule: I stuck to a set schedule. Rather than letting the school define my schedule, I defined it. I gave myself a curfew of five o'clock and left work everyday at five; which meant another hour a day that I spent with my family. I began to delegate tasks to students, so that I could focus on teaching and assessing. Thus, I let students edit all of our videos and work on the website. I let the students organize the service activities. They felt empowered. I had more free time and as a result, I feel like I got to know my students
- Take care of my identity: I began redefining my role - I quit the committees. I stopped working quite as hard on my master's. It felt like such a relief to think of just my classroom rather than the whole school.