I should make this a series: so many lessons not only on becoming a teacher, but in parenting; shaping kids to become socially responsible (and adept).
The other day at lunch, I learned how to parent one boy, J, who is extremely overweight, has diabetes and is very dependent/needy on authority figures -- running to teachers or parents to restore justice instead of fighting for it himself.
Since taking over recess and lunch duty, I have noticed that this boy gives away his chocolate milk every lunchtime. About 10 minutes into lunch, he announces to all the people on his table that he has chocolate milk to give away. Then he gets to be the powerful person who chooses which of the begging children to give his chocolate milk to.
[Insert: I can't believe I'm posting about chocolate milk]
After giving away his chocolate milk one time, J raised his hand for me to come to him. Bending down beside him, J asked me if he could go buy another chocolate milk because he was thirsty.
Where did your chocolate milk go?
I gave it away.
Why did you give it away?
*shrug shoulder*
Do you always give away your chocolate milk?
Yes.
Why?
*shrug*
Do you want it?*shrug*
...........
Do you always get thirsty later?
*shrug*
Shouldn't you keep your chocolate milk if you know you'll be thirsty later?
*shrug*
...........
Well, if you're thirsty, you can go to the water fountain to get a drink. You cannot get another chocolate milk because you already paid for one and gave it away.
But Mr. W! Please? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?
I'm sorry, J, but if you want your chocolate milk then you need to keep your chocolate milk at lunch. Tomorrow, if you don't give away your chocolate milk, you can drink it and not get thirsty.
Mr. W. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease? Pleeeeeeeeeeease? [He now has tears in his eyes]
I'm sorry, J. You can go to the water fountain. But I don't want you wasting your mom's money if you're just going to buy and give away your chocolate milk.
Pleeeeeeeease?
I walk away. While it would be easy to just give him the chocolate milk,
children (in particular) need consequences to change behavior. The kids learned the other day in morning meeting that "there is no progress without struggle." It's painful to follow-through with consequences when, in the
now, it almost doesn't make sense. But now, with a parental perspective of the child's future at heart, learning to gain people's affection not through monetary goods (in cartons of chocolate milk or diamond rings) but instead, through wholesome, invested relationship, is an invaluable lesson.