Mysterious Teaching

Are school parents losing their freaking mind?

MysteryTeacher — Fri, 16 May 2008 20:00:00 GMT

I had a parent yesterday who called and interrupted my lesson to talk to me for 20 minutes about her child. Her child was sitting 3 rows back. The entire class was listening. Now what teacher in their right mind would tell a parent anything important or embarassing in front of a class.

Do parents have any brains left? She was asking personal questions and expected me to answer. I tried to remind her that the children were in front of me. But, she persisted. How embarassing!

Did she want me to tell her the truth? Your child is a below average student. She doesn't appear to understand much of what is going on in class. She doesn't read above a beginning 3rd grade level. Her math skills are so low that my 3 year old great niece can do better. Holy Cow! I would never give out information like that in front of other people. For one thing, she would be the one to sue when it got around that the kids had heard!

Then there comes the problem of interrupting my class. I was in the middle of a lesson when she called. I told her we were in the middle of a lesson and she ignored me. She just went on and on. And on! I have an intern for Social Studies and she said she couldn't believe someone would expect you to talk during class time.

I must admit I was surprised. Usually calls about the end of school and I have to go do bus duty.

The worst part was that she wanted to know now (8 days before school is out) what she can do to help her child pass. I told her she could go to summer school. She said she looked into it and it just wouldn't do. So I suggested Sylvan Learning Centers or get a tutor because it was too late to do anything about it this year. She is not being retained but she is very low.

(She is also absent all the time, tardy and sick)

Richard got suspended!

MysteryTeacher — Fri, 16 May 2008 18:54:00 GMT

I don't klnow whether to be happy or upset. He has spent the entire year upsetting the classroom in one way or another. When mom came in this morning for a meeting, she literally accused me of being the problem. "He isn't naughty. He doesn't talk back. He doesn't sneak down under his desk and crawl across the room to whisper. The other kids pick on him all the time. He is a good boy. Just ask his teachers at his old school." Yet, I remember when he first came and I talked to the parents and told them he was helping an ELL student, they were both surprised. "Richard? Helping someone else?" How can she be so foolish as to think we don't realize that they are lying now then?

She then told me that she was mad because I didn't email. I said I didn't have an email address for them. She said I didn't ask for one. Noooo...I sent the form home 3 times and then I don't send it home again. What would be the point. Either her perfect little boy doesn't take them home, or she just doesn't care at all about whether she lies or not.

Anyway. He is gone for the remainder of the year. He threw a pencil at a student like a dart. Of course it wasn't his fault. The other boy started it. The other boy picks on him all the time. (NOT!!!) This one is a two way street.hey both make each other cry all the time. I just ignore them because they deserve it when they do things to each other. Of course, they are supposed to be friends.

He came in to get his backpack and told the class he was suspended for "3 days. Can you believe it? Just for throwing my pencil?" Of course that was just the final thing. Not the beginning.

Three days my Aunt Fanny. He got 8 days and isn't coming back!

Watch them create!

MysteryTeacher — Thu, 15 May 2008 17:07:00 GMT

I have a whole bunch of old crafts from different activities. I took the instructions out and handed them the packets and said, "Figure out how to put your craft together and write me the directions. Then, glue it together.

It turned out to be an absolute riot. I got some of the weirdest crafts I have even seen. Kids kept telling me they were missing pieces but what they were missing wasn't part of the craft. One darling said he had two crafts and he didn't. He created a whole new craft! So, cute.

Now, the kids are arguing how they should be put together and how the directions should read. Odd, that one because they all have different crafts.

I am making some sudoku grids for the kids now and I wonder how that will go?

My annual pre-school nightmare...

MysteryTeacher — Fri, 09 May 2008 16:08:00 GMT

Every year since I began teaching, I have had a consistant nightmare before school starts. It is always along the lines that the students are out of control and they ignore me. I try my signals, nothing. I yell, again nothing. They just continue to run rampant in the classroom. I have lost complete control of everything. It scares me.

I have since learned that it is a stress dream. However, last year, it almost came true. I had 43 kids and 10 of them were doozys. They made my life miserable.

Let's see: there was the boy who for no reason we could discerne, would suddenly hide under his desk and not come out. The more you tried, the harder he hung on to the desk. If you didn't try, he would disturb the entire class with moaning.

Then there was Dennis the Menace. He was a bully and definitely cow poop. He terrorized his younger sibs. He terrorized his neighbors. He even terrorized the police when they came to talk to him about his vandalism. He was a real creep. He moved this year.

I had the girl who was a Katrina victim and she was a bully too. It didn't help that she was not only older by 2 years, but she was also too informed about the finer points of married life. I always wondered about her background. Mom was a real treat too. A harder woman I have never met.

My last memory is the little boy who is so emotionally disturbed that at 4th (then 5th this year) he cried over everything. I tried to get him counseling but the parents saw nothing wrong with him melting down over everything. They hired a huge man in the middle of the year and put him in his class. He just tells him to "suck it up." It seems to be working. All the strong women in the world couldn't have done what he did. His mom is strong and she created him. He cried over EVERYTHING!

However, this year my nightmare has come to pass. My class is really awesome but they can't keep quiet to save thier lives, literally. If we had a lock down, they couldn't quit talking while the bad guy passed the room. It just isn't in them to be quiet. I wrote Popcorn on the board and in the first half hour they lost three letters. I don't know if they are going to make it to 2:00.

Monkey Poop has arrived!

MysteryTeacher — Wed, 07 May 2008 20:24:00 GMT

Guess who is Team leader for the 4th grade team next year? You got it! Monkey poop herself! To start with, I couldn't believe that the team was kept together. They needed to be split up. However, it isn't my problem. I do have to agree of the three members, MP is probably the best teacher. However, she is not the best leader. She is focused on the little things all the time. She doesn't get the big picture. She also talks and talks and I can't get away from her.

But then, I wouldn't follow any of them. None of them have the leadership qualities that I would need in order to follow them. JG just shrugs everything off. Ms X is a timid little mouse and only speaks up when she is mad because I went to lunch first. And then it was really MP who did the talking. (and talking and talking)

I only have 3 weeks left with the team. Then, I am in charge of a new team. One of the people I know really well. I had her boys in school. She is another talker and she did not do well in charge of the ESL this year. So, I get the team next year but they haven't told her because they don't want to deal with the temper tantrums until after the summer.

Isn't life fun? Here I am always putting my foot in something and yet, life goes on.

Why am I always in trouble?

MysteryTeacher — Tue, 06 May 2008 01:28:00 GMT

When I was a kid, I never got in trouble in school. I was a goody-two-shoes. I may even have been a suck-up. However, I think that was because my Mom was a teacher at the school and I couldn't come home if I got in trouble at school without lots of fear.

Now, however, I am always putting my foot in it. A few weeks ago I wrote about taking my kids to lunch early. Well, that started a "team" battle. When am I going to learn? Two of my team came in to TELL me that I couldn't do that and I disrupted their classes by passing by early. I was literally 2 minutes early. Why didn't they just close their doors?

Well, when they confronted me about it, I basically shrugged them off. It really wasn't a big deal. However, I ended up going to lunch early the next day too. (Kind of just to show them I could)

Now, my class doesn't go to recess. We are required to spend so many minutes of Reading and so many minutes on Math, etc. that I can't fit recess into my day. No big deal. We take bathroom breaks as needed so it isn't a big deal. The two that confronted me, both take their kids out for a 15-20 minute recess every single day. Hey! that is their choice. I spend mine teaching and they spend theirs in recess. So, my question to them is: Why do they care if I take my kids to lunch early when they spend a whole lot more time going to recess? It isn't as if all the kids aren't going to get to eat. I don't get it.

ANYway, it really ticked off one of them. I am her mentor and she refused to sign the mentor log this month. She said I haven't mentored her since Christmas. REALLY? What were all those meetings we had every Tuesday? I don't need help with my lesson plans. I already know the technology stuff. I already am familiar with the school policy and rules. So, what the heck? However, I just walked out of her room and left. I wrote a note to the Mentor coordinator and explained that she wouldn't sign and what she said. I also told them that if they didn't want to pay me for Ms. X, they didn't have to. I don't want any money that I didn't earn.

Then my other mentee reminded me that after Christmas, I didn't let Ms X copy my lesson plans anymore. I guess she thought that was mentoring? Anyway, I am now beating myself up about being a bad mentor and a crappy teacher and the list goes on and on. I cannot be rational about this. I guess I will have to sit down and talk to her but I really don't want to. I dislike anyone being mad at me and even more if I don't know why and can't think of anything I did WRONG.

I won't be working with that team next year. I have accepted a different job at the same school. However, I will be in the same room and close to them.

My stomach hurts.

Do you come when you're called?

MysteryTeacher — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:29:00 GMT

I have a student, well, several really, who like to ignore me when I give instructions or have the class do an activity. What they DO like is to wait until everyone is started and then come to me and want individual directions. I have tried everything. I have tried giving directions only once. I have tried and tried getting the class to turn around and face me and look me in the face before I give directions. For the most part it works. However, the few are the ones who don't do it and they never know what is going on in class. They wait until everyone has their papers and then they come to me asking where theirs is. Oh, I can get them to pay attention for maybe a day. But, then, they are back to their ignorant bliss. Two of them can just stare at their pencils all day long and not care. I don't get that. What is so interesting about a pencil?

R- is defiant. He is gifted and I am trying my best to challenge him in his area. But, all I get is defiance from him. He doesn't want to do the work and then he asks me why is is getting a failing grade. Why? Because I don't have any passing grades for you. You haven't turned in a completed assignment this quarter. He will sit there and tap his pencils on the desk. I have to literally take them away. He then starts stamping his feet or kicking the side of the chair or desk. I have had to move him all over the room. The kids can only stand him a short time before they start compaining about his disruptions. He talks to himself and very hyper. Yes, I know there is sometning going on at home but I don't know what it is and no one in the family will talk about it. As far as I can tell he isn't being abused or on drugs. R will ignore me as long as I am teaching or explaining something. Then, he wants attention and to know what we are supposed to do. I tell him. I have tried everything else this year and it didn't work. Did I give in? No, I just know it didn't work after one complete semister of effort. The only time R comes when he is called is lunch. He doesn't want to miss lunch. He as missed plenty the first semister. I kept him in to do his work. Didn't work. R doesn't stay in his seat either. He falls out of his chair at least 10 times a day. He crawls under tables to pass notes to his friends and constantly asks to go to the bathroom or get a drink. At first I let him but later I realized it was because he was avoiding his work. He now has a schedule. (Oh, he is in counseling too.)

A- is adorable but loud. He has a wonderful personality but need attentions badly. He comes from a huge family that tries their best. Gramma takes care of him and all his sibs. She works full time to do it too. He has a good heart but with all those boys in the family he can get a little rough. He has had a lot of detention because of fighting. That is pretty much how they settle differences at home. Fight it out. I adore A because he is a survivor. He may have a tough school career if he doesn't learn to control the fighting instinct. He is really really smart but doesn't work so he can have extra attention from the teacher. In fact, he will volunteer to stay in at lunch to do his work if I will help him. I have to get him on task during class time. He reveles in the attention.

T- is my pain. Him, I could really do without. He doesn't come to class on time. Every single morning he goes out to play and when the bell rings, he heads for the cafeteria to eat breakfast. He is lazy and from his previous school records, he is smart. I have not found that to be true though. Mainly, because he doesn't pay attention in class and doesn't know what is going on. He does not come to ask what he is supposed to do like R and A will. He just sits and plays and waits for you to notice that he isn't working. You get him back on task and turn around and he is playing again. If he doesn't want to do something, he just ignores you completely. Come when you call? He lines up for lunch before his table is called. I constantly have to remind him to sit back down.

Three kids in need of attention. Three kids who don't attend to the lessons at the front of the class. Three little boys who don't come when they are called in at recess. They stay out and play as long as they can. As long as the duty people don't catch them. What kind of a world are we creating when kids are so desparate for attention that they will take anything they can get? Three little boys who do no work. And we have to leave no child behind? Where are the parents?

Patience, this is for you

MysteryTeacher — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:53:00 GMT

I am not a screamer. I am a yell-er. My class is very noisy and I have need of a strong voice to get their attention. They work in groups and forget that there are 34 students in the class. I do not put children down, or make them feel small in the classroom. Children are the reason I am here. I did not appreciate your advice because you are not here and walking in my shoes. I find it curious that you have advice for a student you do not have. This is 4th grade. Wetting your pants in 4th grade is NOT acceptable unless you have a medical problem. Regardless, my students are allowed to go to the bathroom as needed except when I am teaching or testing. When it becomes a control issue, then we have a problem.

It wets it's pants!

MysteryTeacher — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 16:04:00 GMT

I got a new student. Yes, we have only 5 weeks of school left. The office didn't want to deal with the complaints of the other teachers on my team, so they begged me to take the new one. I have more students than the others. This one? If you get mad at him, he wets his pants.

I told the parents I was a yell-er. I told them I had high expectations and expected the work to get done. I TOLD THEM! They put him in my room anyway.

Here is the problem...how to you not yell at a little twerp that refuses to do his work, plays with his pencils, doesn't look at or open his books, and is in general using wetting his pants as a threat. My solution would be to let him pee and then sit in it for the rest of the day. However, the parents won't allow that. They don't want him to be embarassed in the classroom.

Can I not yell at this kid for 5 more weeks? I don't know. He has a "stupid" attitude. You know what I mean?... duh? I don't get it. Did you read the directions? No, I just thought you were supposed to start. You said to begin work.

So far in the one week I have had him, pee-boy hasn't turned in one single piece of paper. But, when I get after him for not doing his work, he just asks to go to the bathroom. (Yeah, I let him. I don't want to Piss off his parents)

Little Chief Breaking-Wind

MysteryTeacher — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:38:00 GMT

My class is totally a bunch of little farts. In fact, they do it all the time. Then they laugh and laugh and have a right old rave up over it. They actually eat rather healthy and that is one of the side effects of healthy diet. I wish the cafeteria fixed food was as healthy as they are used to eating at home. Lots of beans in the mix.

When someone passes a smelly one, then the riots happen as everyone rushes to get away from it. I am getting a little tired of it. I have explained the nature of passing gas. I have explained that they would literally explode if they never broke wind. It is really hard talking to kids who are sniggering and laughing through their noses. Half the time they have to run for the tissue because they not only have gas, now they have snot running down their faces.

Little Chief Breaking Wind is the leader of the little farts. His family is from the Phillipines and they eat a very healthy diet. His parents afe very health conscienous.

How do I get the little farts to either stop breaking wind or stop laughing up a storm when they do? It isn't like everyone in the world doesn't do it.

Too many Chiefs and not enough Indians...

MysteryTeacher — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:28:00 GMT

That is the old saying my Dad used to say about our family. We were all leaders and no one wanted to be a follower. It made is tough sometimes when making family decisions.

It appears, that I have a class full of Chiefs. I can't believe how bossy they are. I have quite a few who just jump right in and make the decision for the group without asking anyone. I have to make them go back and discuss the situation with the group. They don't like what the group has to say and they sit there and argue. It is the strangest thing I have ever seen.

We did activities all morning to bring the factions together. I thought they were doing fantastic. We said what we liked about each person and everything. But, once they got back into their groups, it all fell apart. The "Tattle tales, tattle tales, hanging from a bull's tail..." all popped out of the woodwork and it started up again.

To make matters worse, I got 3 new students this week. They don't want to work with anyone. The boy refuses to cooperate with the group and makes rude noises with his fingers in his ears and then cries and complains that they are mean to him. Funny, he has the nicest kids in the classroom in his group.

The other new boy was placed in my class because another school in our district couldn't handle him. He is a P*I*L*L!

It is only 5-6 weeks left until the end of the year...why are they doing this to me? Why are they letting other schools in the district DUMP kids on our school? What's worse? Why are we taking them? Our classes are all beyond capacity already.

My Coke, my clothes, my car, my life...

MysteryTeacher — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 21:11:00 GMT

We have half days on Wednesdays. I love it. The kids go home early and we rush out to lunch and back to meetings. I did the rush thing today. I got the kids on the bus and jumped into my car and rushed to the market for a giant Diet Coke.

Then I rushed back for the meetings. However, now my car is full of ice and diet coke and I am wet all down the right side and I have no drink. I was careful turning corners until the last corner. I was in a school zone going 15 @#$ miles an hour and I turned into the parking slot and BAM the @#$%^& coke tipped over and nailed me. After my meeting, I went home. Sitting in a puddle of coke. I am going to get a belt and put it around the seat so I can tuck my cokes into it from now on.

Practice Vocabulary and feed a nation!

MysteryTeacher — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 14:33:00 GMT

CHECK IT OUT!

The words are :Free Rice" You can go to http://freerice.com/ and play the vocabulary game. Or your students can pick a level they are working at and play themselves. For every word they get correct, they earn 20 grains of rice that is donated to starving people in other countries. This is a fantastic idea I heard on NBC. The students not only practice vocabulary but they can see the number of grains of rice they are earning to help feed the worlds hungry!

What a fantastic concept. Even our poorest children are rich compared to children in some of the third World countries. We can teach vocabulary and charity at the same time. I am going to have mine on the computer as much as possible; learning and giving.

To Uniform.. or not to Uniform...That is the question......

MysteryTeacher — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 15:38:00 GMT

How do you feel about uniforms? I think they should be strict UNIFORMS or regular clothes.

Several years ago we began having lots of problems with students clothing. It was that droopy gang like thing. So, the school board decided we should go to uniforms. We would start with the elementary and work our way up to high school, where the biggest problem was.

Our uniform consisted of plain red, blue or white polo shirts and blue or tan pants. The kids and parents hated it. It wasn't the school board that took the brunt of it. Nooooo, it was the teachers. Why does my child have to dress like everyone else?

Well, we gradually got the complaining under control but we never actually got the kids into the "uniform" part. They came up with all sorts of ways to stretch the rules. Little designs on the shirts, two colors of shirts at the same time...You name it they tried it.

They quickly found out that most people were not going to enforce the policy and the uniform was almost non existent.

Well, things have gone from bad to worse. Now we are contending with all sorts of violations. However, only a few of us are enforcing the rules. Of course, I am one of them. I am a "stay within the lines" person. I am constantly sending kids to the office to change. I am tired of being one of the only people to care.

Did the district ever get the uniforms on the middle school or high school? Heck no! Those kids are allowed to "express" themselves. They look like a bunch of hookers and pimps and gang members at those schools. They were the reason this all started. We are the ones who got punished.

Mwaaaaah ha ha ha! Mad scientist at work

MysteryTeacher — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Today is Wednesday. It is a half day at our school. We are not testing today so I planned an all morning science experiment. I am dressed in an old apron and safety glasses. I look like a kook but it got the kids really excited about the day. We are having a blast.

The age old Mystery Powders! I am making them do the powders one at a time. Observe, experiment. No tasting. No smelling. I am enforcing all the rules of safety. I already threw one little boy out who had been warned before we started that there was no fooling around. I warned two of them. One is following directions. The other grabbed at a solution and it dumped and spilled all over everything. (good thing it was water) However, he didn't know that and I removed him from the group.

Mystery powders is a good lesson in science method. They are trying to figure out what the powders are. We are using water, vinegar and iodine as well as hand lenses and microscopes to view them. I am using flour, sugar, salt, baking soda , cornstarch and plaster of paris.

The kids are having a blast. We have had three water spills and I have just had to lecture them again on safety. However, it as a wonderful day. I wonder if they will figure out what is what?