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Misguided Angel

Reflections on a new year of teaching...

Teacher to Teacher

I haven't written anything in a while.  Usual excuses--too busy, not enough time...  I am not delusional about how introspective thinking works--the more I do it, the more the truth hurts. When we fail, we know it.  Accepting it and dealing with it is a different story. I know I can teach kids.  I like it, and I am reasonably good at it.  I thought I could mentor someone beyond giving advice or resource help.  I couldn't. I failed to be an effective teacher to someone brand new, who didn't know better. But I should have.  Instead, I was pushy, judging and criticizing without allowing the new teacher to make his own mistakes. He was overwhelmed and felt as if he were under a microscope. He must have hated me, and I don't blame him.  The only thing I can do is learn from it.  Was I qualified? Yeah, sort of.  Was I willing? Sure.  Was I humble enough? ***, no.  Tyrannical even. Why? Can't say--I guess I was worried about the kids.  I was too full of my experience. They needed a better teacher, but did I do any better?  Again, no.  So I did something I am not proud of--I left him. I did, like a big, fat coward. I didn't know how to fix the problems in the classroom without taking over, and how to fix him in just a few weeks, so I took off.  Now, time for remorse.  I feel terrible about what happened. I apologized, and he never answered.  I hope he forgives my impatience and bossiness, and moves on.  Never again will I take for granted the gift of showing someone else how to do this work,  or the disappointment from not delivering what I should have or could have.  If anything, I have new appreciation for those who were patient with me, when I was a fumbling, young, incompetent student teacher. If you are someone's mentor, and a wiser one, give yourself a pat on the back.  Teacher to teacher, I will remember the best thing that can happen to your students is to function as if they did not need you.  Goethe said "Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them become what they are capable of becoming."  Understanding life backwards is all fine and good, but I need to know I won't cut and run the next time. I should have stayed, swallowed my harsh comments, and kept trying. People in our profession need more capable role models than me, but hopefully I'll get to try again.  And again.  In the meantime, writing about it helps.  I'll take responsibility.  Until I get it right.  Maybe then I can actually look back at this and laugh. Not now, but someday...Wink

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Posted: Monday, December 28, 2009 8:19 PM by JCK
Comments

tmilstein said:

When I was a student teacher, my mentor teacher had a hard time letting go of his classes so I could develop my teaching style.  Weeks in, when I felt I did little more than make copies, he needed surgery, keeping him out of the classroom for two weeks.  A substitute teacher was required, but I didn't let him do anything.  

The teacher returned, but still couldn't talk for another week, so he watched me run his classes.  When he was better, the teacher acknowledged that he had a hard time losing control of his class, and that the surgery had benefited both of us.

I'll keep your story in mind if I ever decide to take on a student teacher.

# January 1, 2010 2:33 PM
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