Yeah, so I know you have all been sweating bullets as you anticipated my blog about upcoming interviews for my new teammate. Or maybe you totally forgot about that as you celebrated your ability to pee and eat at random with the close of the school year. Or then again, maybe all of those things are things that I only do. Eat, sleep, and relieve myself. Sounds more like a newborn baby than a 25 year old, 4th year 4th grade teacher.
At any rate, the moment arrived. It has been a fun filled day of interviews! It was...an experience. One, in that it was my first time interacting with my new principal (who was at one time my assistant principal, but then became principal somewhere else and now she is back...). I will have to observe her more before I comment on her. I have to develop her character a little more before I can blog about her. The 4th grade team was called in to help with the interviews, so you can bet your bottom dollar that KIS was the only one who couldn't make it. Of course not. Why be interested in deciding who your new teammate will be when you don't work with your team anyways? I amaze myself expecting things like growth and collaboration from KIS...when will I ever learn?
The second thing that was interesting was that this was my first time on the other side of the interviewing process. I remember the days of practicing answering questions, making eye contact, and being sharply dressed. It was stressful to say the least. This time I got to ask the questions (as did my other teammate who actually did show up and the Principal). I noticed all those things that people warn you about in interviews. So here it goes-another list (we all know that I loves a good list or three): Things you should never do (or say) in an interview....
1. Don't come in smelling weird. It isn't so much that one person stank, it is just that the "fragrance" wasn't the one for her. Yeah. And I didn't think my nose was that sensitive.
2. Don't forget to moisturize your lips. I am looking at you when you talk, and it bothers me a lot when your lips look like you have been kissing fossils. I know, I need to grow in life, but please, chap stick is cheap.
3. Avoiding eye contact. Why is it so hard to look at me? I was fly today, everything matched (not guaranteed during the summer, so there). If you don't look at me when I am talking to you, I will think either that you are insecure or a liar.
4. Don't come in without knowing the talk of the field. If you want to be a teacher, I am going to need you to talk like you know "teacher talk." I shouldn't have to explain what literacy is. Classroom Management, differentiating instruction, all that jazz. Seriously....
5. Don't think I don't notice when you give indirect answers to my questions. Don't flounder about. Get to the point, don't talk in elaborate sentences about nothing. When you just drone on and on, I stop listening, and so does the rest of the panel. If I stop looking at you, and look down at the paper with my questions, and write less, something is wrong.
6. You can't fake the funk. Don't do this as a side gig. One person, in short, told us that this was something she was going to do for a few years until she basically figures out what she really wants to do with her life. She pretty much told us this was to pad her resume. IT WAS PART OF HER TEN YEAR PLAN, which really didn't have anything to do with education. I quit listening to anything she had to say after that...
7. If you know that the school's demographic is approximately 100% minority and 97% low SES, don't come in acting like you are the "Great White Hope," here to save the poor children whose parents just don't get how important education is. First off, as I much as I clown Bill, I love him to pieces. I am not here to "save" him from parents who don't know better. I am here to meet him where he is at. Yeah. You better love the kids before you can expect to lead them anywhere. They are not dumb. They can sense the "realness" of people. Why do you think they love me so much? I mean aside from my obvious awesomeness and the ability to hold my bladder for hours on end. I get on their cases, but they see me after school putting things together for them, or run into me at Target as I am buying things for a science project in class. I listen to them, we eat lunch together during the school year and talk about anything but school during those times. It is a very hard job, but I love what I do, and who I am working for-the Bills, Agnes Pearls, and Esther Maries. I need you to bring that energy and then some if you are going to kick it with the school marm from room 312. Get out of here with that weak stuff! Bring your heart and mind, with both wide open....
Yeah, yeah, I better stop. I am starting to sound like a NIKE commercial. Just Do it already!!! All I need to do is start pounding my chest, and slap my teammates on the butt like we are football players. Or maybe not do that. Yeah.
And with all that said, I will leave you with my favorite interview questions...
1. So let's say that hypothetically you had to deal with a difficult parent (or three , etc. I think to myself). How would you go about doing that?
2. How do you deal with teachers who are reluctant to change (channeling the image of KIS and her gender segregated classroom)?
3. What do you know about our school (thinking to myself, do you REALLY know what you are getting yourself into)?
4. What would be your ideal team situation (well, at least 2 out of 3 or your teammates wouldn't be antisocial)?
5. What are your strongest subject areas (Cause I need a teammate who is better at Language Arts than me, cause that isn't my strength-I am a math/science kinda gal)? How do you teach things that aren't your strength?
and finally...
6. How hospitable are you? From time to time, I need teammates who :
a) provide me with fruit or other snacks
b) have the ability to listen to me go on rants about structural changes that need to take place (and help me take on the system from time to time)
c) have a designated place in their classroom for me to lay out in from time to time
d) don't mind me showing up at all times of the day at random, like before school,, on the way to lunch, during specials, etc...I will call you when I feel the need as well.
e) will share my load-meaning my troubles and joys (not so my job, but relate to it rather) and share Margaritas as well after hours when it is a "special time."
Yeah, you lucked out-two lists for the price of one! And now I am off to eat dinner and watch Numb3rs, a show that I love because I think math is something I can "figure out." It shows that math teachers can be cool-they are not all old men who have been teaching since the attack at Pearl Harbor. No offense to old math nerds-just bringing in a new breed. A younger, sleeker, sexier breed....yeah..