Ha,ha--you're reading this!

A Case of the Mondays!

2008-10-14T01:22:00Z

And we're off to the races. It is yet another Monday, and I have yet to accomplish anything productive. Well, that isn't totally true. I survived day one of parent conferences, planned a whole week of core math instruction, and a day of writing. I also am thinking about reading and my guided groups for math and reading. I have also contemplated ways to torture, erm, I mean motivate, my intern. But have I completed any of the plans that are due tomorrow morning? Of course not if I am here. Is my concern at this moment where it probably should be? At the moment, not so much. Will it all pan together before the necessary time? Doesn't it always? Is it like me to be so "meh?" Not in the past, but at the rate administration and generally anyone outside of the classroom seems to keep shoving it, it is surprising that I haven't already attempted to leave school at noon with my famous drive out into the sunset to 80's themed synth pop...

And with all that, just know that things are hectic. One, grades are due this week. Parent Conferences are all this week. That by far has been the highlight for me so far. In true form, here is a list of the most special moments on day one of Conferencing:

1. Arriving in my classroom at 7:10, to already have messages from parents calling to cancel their morning appointments, with things ranging from "The landlord is coming today" to "I have to go to work today (didn't we know this when we scheduled in the first place?)" to "Yeah, I just can't make it.." So much for getting them all done today. Excellent.

2. Parents who didn't schedule an appointment just showing up whenever they felt like it, and expecting you to stop a scheduled, on time appointment to meet with them. Great.

3. Asking a parent how her morning was and then from that statement, getting a lecture about how the school system in another state is better than our state (yeah, but no). Again, all I said was good morning. Inspiring.

4. Another parent regaling me with stories of how she was at one point obese, and regaling me with tales of Ben, the homeless man. Moving.

5. Being asked in front of one of my students how old I am (because that is always appropriate). Super.

6. Discovering that a Science Kit has been dropped off in my room when I haven't even packed the first one I got yet. Awesome.

7. The most moving thing in all this is that we are told that the plumbing will be off for the rest of the school day, so I had to go across the street during my lunch and engage the store owners in friendly conversation so that I could use their bathrooms. What is this? Everytime I attempt to be productive, some major utility is out of order. First it was the electricity, then today it was the plumbing. What next, the air conditioning? The internet network? The copiers/laminator (oh wait, that already is everyday). Splendid.

Oh, and this is only Monday. I can't wait to see how the rest of the week pans out. I think I thrive off of the random, general wackiness that is my school. Let the festivities begin!

Listmania..or just manic mania

2008-10-08T02:25:00Z

There are so many awesome things going on. They are so awesome, that this calls for a list or twelve...let's see where this leads me tonight

Top random quotes of the week

1."Counselors were teachers, too."-Crazy Counselor Lady

2. "Teacher, she wasn't obese, she was 'round'."-my kids with their obsession with the overweight.

3. "Yeah, 'should' is the operative word here.."-Me

4. "Get her off the mike...boo. They said this already this morning, Teacher." -kids disgruntled by the barrage of announcements-both morning and afternoon...

5. " This is almost as bad as middle school kids." (my intern, referring to the teaching staff)

Things to Do

1. Complete grades in gradebook.

2. Grade more papers to have more grades in gradebook.

3. Send more progress reports.

4. Clean my classroom-again.

5. Plan for my, ehm, "sick day" this Thursday.

6. Administer surprise assessments from the district through trickery.

7. Attend meetings-many meetings.

8. Plan for parent conferences.

9. Drink heavily.

10. Consider therapy options.

11. Repeat.

Highlights of the week (Yeah, it's Tuesday!)

1. Crazy Counselor comes in on Monday, even though she is scheduled to come on Tuesdays.

2. The intern is being super critical of the teachers at the school, but he doesn't want to come to our meetings/planning etc.

3. I got to break up a fight today...yeah, it was the first one of the year.

4. We are finally okay with garden gnomes. Now we are dense about density instead.

5. Random walk through-no feedback of course. That is asking too much.

6. I am out of vanilla frappuccino. Tomorrow is going to be rough. Lord help us all.

7. More special emails.....do I do this to give myself ulcers purposely?

8. The irony. As I am driving to work this morning, a jingle on the radio plays for the lottery. It goes on to state that maybe today is my lucky day. After all the specialness today, I hear the same song as I am driving home, and think really?

Songs that define my job at the moment

1. "Round 'Em Up" by Rob G feat. Jah Free

2. "Get on the Good Foot" by James Brown

3. "Straighten Up and Fly Right" by Nat King Cole

4. "She Blinded Me With Science" by Thomas Dolby

5. "Ball of Confusion (That's What the World is Today)" by the Temptations

6. "The Longest Time" by Billy Joel (What can I say? Fights and all, I love my kids and they keep my heart pumping.)

7. "Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)" by Jay-Z

8. "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger (Neptunes Remix)"-Daft Punk

9. "Fight the Power (Parts 1 & 2)" by the Isley Brothers

Angela Bassett will play me in the pilot episode....

2008-10-01T01:26:00Z

If I am here, of course that means I am supposed to be somewhere else doing something more important. I should be grading papers. I could be writing reading responses back to my kids like I keep promising. I am always thinking of ways to cause as much confusion and pandemonium as possible. Ways to make my life more difficult- I am a glutton for punishment.

I can't let September come to a close without bring the month to a proper end. I must give you all a chance to share in the latest shenanigans at mi escuela. Yes, I said shenanigans. Special doesn't begin to describe this week. Special is a normal day. Special is when I see Bill wander about aimlessly in the fifth grade. Special is when the DA's kids rush to KIS before she can slam the door in their face, thanking her for holding the door. Special are the assorted colors of notes we get in our boxes for being three minutes late to pick up our kids in the morning when coaches come in three hours late, and my kids have to let them in the back door (don't I just love my location in the school?). Those normal events are special. The past two days alone have been insane.

It is bad enough that on Sunday, I was already considering calling in sick. It's too early in the year for me to play hooky. I usually don't pull that until about late October or November. I am not really sure where to begin. Here are some of the most, well, bodacious moments of the week in no particular order:

1. The district learning walk

2. Crazy counselor returns!

3. The showdown with 5th grade...

4. Pranks, Pranks and more pranks

5. The cafeteria revolt

6. The problems with Garden Gnomes

7. Assessments my @$$

8. Are We Going or Not?

9. Dude, where are my classroom keys (seriously, I don't know)....

I should preface everything by saying that a couple of years ago, I started making a sitcom based off of the everyday life at school. I even started a script. A friend of mine hums the Dawson's Creek theme everytime I make reference to episodes that I have written. All this craziness makes me think that I need to go back to writing those scripts. I think people would watch. Think of the good money I'd make. Then I could fund my teacher reality theme show that I have been brewing up, but alas, that is for another blog.

So in no particular order, here are some of the moments of this week:

I lost my classroom keys this afternoon. They could be locked in my classroom. They could be in another room in the wing. For all I know, they could be in the hall or in the teachers' parking lot. All I know is that at about 6ish this evening they went AWOL. That is for me to tackle in the morning as I try to sneak into school. Somehow, my level of concern isn't nearly as high as it probably should be. I just figure it was bound to happen at some point..

We still don't know if we have a field trip this Friday or not. I asked again today just to get my kicks, and no one knew. Why would we?

Crazy Counselor Lady makes her first appearance, well, really her second appearance of the year. The first appearance was at at team meeting. This interruption was supposed to last about 5 minutes, but wound up taking our entire planning time. The part that got me about that meeting was how she had this paper with no writing on it and she acted as if she had notes on it to tell us. Don't even get me started on the counseling sessions. That is a joke, and topic for a future blog. Let's just say this-about two years ago, she comes to the science fair toasted. When I say toasted, I don't mean like a bagel or a Pop Tart. She was like making fun of experiments and all...Yeah. My favorite quote from her is "Counselors were teachers, too." Well, today she comes to my room to schedule times for sessions for my class. It is a joke because a) she has that fake paper again with no words b) she will come whenever she feels like it anyways and c) She will show up whenever she wants anyways. Or in my case, not show up. Not that that would disappoint me. What didn't shock me is that she schedules me for a time that I explicitly told her didn't work. The time that I was like, please, any time but this time. Yeah, that time. I feel all tingly already....

The district big wigs come to our school today to see what we are up to. In true form, I tell the kids absolutely nothing and act as if it is totally normal for 12 adults to just randomly walk into our room while we are working and dig through their desks, plunder their books, raid our library, and ask them a million questions. All this while acting like I am not even in the room. Of course, my intern is in, so I have to explain what is happening. My kids rock though, because they said things like this "My teacher gives us rubrics so that we understand our grades." "This is what I know about density..." "Look at what we did in Science yesterday.. " Of course, like five minutes before his, they insisted that the Tang I had for a science experiment was Juicy-O (from a book we are reading). They also insisted on telling my intern about how yesterday I told them a story about my mom pouring salt into her cereal. We remember this, but not the date of our birth. They endured this while missing out on our bathroom break and recess due to the rush of administration. They are some real troopers. This is why I love them mucho.

The kids were insane at lunch today. Not just my kids, apparently many classes today. Well, what do you expect? Random strangers dig all through your things. They ask you questions and you are like, duh, look around the room. You are 9 years old, mind you, and you really have to pee. And you want to go play. And you wonder why we have to interrupt our Social Studies time and do Science now. The cafeteria monitor wanted to take away their lunch bunch, give them assigned seats, and take their recess. I thought that was a bit much. Well, monitor, can I make a request? Can you boot the Pre-K kids off our table? Everyday my kids have to sit elbow to elbow because the little kids steal their lunch table.

And there is more...but I think I need to get some of the work done. Play nice, and I will regale you with stories of the showdown with 5th grade, and the pranks me and the DA pulled everyday to retain our sanity. Is it Friday yet?

To be continued.....

4th Grade has just left (or may leave in the future..or not) the building

2008-09-29T02:32:00Z

Ahh, and yet another week is on the verge of beginning. How do I feel about it? Well, it is 9:30 on a Sunday night, and I am already searching for my paper bag to breathe into. No, seriously. I guess it is hard to imagine me, the most super cool teacher on this side of the Brazos, fighting for her last wiff of air. Alas, it is true.

Did I procrastinate? Yes and no. I didn't drag myself to my classroom this weekend, but I did grade (and put into my gradebook) an insane amout of work. I organized some bags for independent reading. I planned language arts and most of math for the week. I am waiting patiently for the two (yes, I said two) checks that I get on Tuesday. I also endured the bane of my existence-HEB (a local grocery chain) and cleaned my tub. I cooked dinner, and thought about social studies. And then there was my email.

I am sure you all have school email. We are required to check ours at least twice daily. Fine. Well, let's just say I hadn't looked at mine since like Wednesday. Or maybe Tuesday. Yeah, it was pretty bad. I have never seen so much red type in my life. At any rate, I started spiraling into overwhelment right about here.

Friday alone was enough to push me over the edge. Fridays are always special. Here was how mine panned out:

7:30-Arrive in gym to pick up kids. Kids freak out because they thought I was leaving after assistant principal gives incorrect announcement that my class has a sub.

8:07-KIS is absent, so I have to go to her class to have a "talk" with her class, who is giving the sub a hard time. Frequent visits follow throughout rest of morning. A few of KIS' "shining stars" wind up spending the day with me due to their "stellar" behavior.

8:15-until?-Friday Assessments in reading and math whip some of my kids silly. Most of the kids did fine, it just took forever to complete...well into the afternoon. Very sad. On the upside, the DA brought me a book, entitled Little Miss Naughty. He said it reminded him of me. Of course, my kids took this to mean that I was somewhere in the book and they were frantically looking for me in it.

9:00-Library day. I discover that many kids in my class don't remember their birthdays. Was it all the testing? Or do we all just need a hug? One of my own "shining stars" looses computer privileges for the day because of his "brilliance." After a heart to heart in the hall, we call his grandma on my cell phone. May as well have it on speed dial...

11:20-Lunch Bunch. Can't really complain. Most of the class was there. We ate, we laughed, no one cried...

12:30-I find that my same shining star has now gotten in trouble during music. I sigh and bring the troops back to the room to finish testing.

12:40-the testing drives me insane, and I have the kids break for recess. I talk again to my shining star.

1:10 Science experiment outdoors. Yeah.

2:20-Clean up, open up shop for kids to buy things from the class store

2:25- Music techer calls at most inopportune time. Yeah.

2:40 Forget yet again to fill out some paperwork. Get stalked by creepy guy at school (the DA usually runs him off for me, but this time the DA was no where to be found..)

3:10-Have an impromptu conference with the grandmother of shining star about his awesome special day. Grandma is super supportive. I inform shining star that Monday is a brand new day and that we will start over. He seems to perk up at this.

3:20 Chat with Librarian and DA about the special happenings at our school.

3:30-The DA and I are informed that 4th grade may or may not be going on a field trip next Friday by the AP. When we ask when we will know for sure, the AP says that she doesn't know. When we ask if we will know before Friday, the AP looks insulted, but doesn't answer. The DA also finds out that he is scheduled for a training on Monday and that his class does the morning announcements next week. By a note in his box, not by actually telling him in person. Yeah.

3:31- I find a handout in our mailboxes about how our rooms should look for walkthroughs. Mind you, school has been going on for a month now, and we just got this. Why? Oh, cause the big wigs are coming this week. Yeah me.

Oh, and today as I check my email (augh, all the red!!) I get an email from the reading coaches about how to administer reading assessments that we were supposed to administer weeks ago. Yeah. Not an old email, one that I should have gotten weeks ago that wasn't sent until Friday. Made me feel real awesome. Sigh. And emails about our Friday assessments. We shall see what happens. Is it too early to call in sick?

P.S. Random List-Things I hate to see in emails:

1. ALL OF THE WORDS IN CAPS! Don't we know that this constitutes yelling?

2. Late information. Outdated information.

3. Emails about emails.

4. Being "volun-told" to do things over email.

5. CCing people who have nothing to do with the email. I am going to start CCing the DA just for the heck of it.

6. Red print.

7. Things marked "Urgent" that really aren't.

A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste...

2008-09-23T01:51:00Z

I seriously wonder from time to time if I should be on meds. I mean, I am not much better off than my kids. I loose my classroom keys at least 5 times in a day. People tell me that I am super organized with my lesson plans and whatnot, but really, if I am not detailed, I will forget half of what I need to do. What am I supposed to be doing now? Lesson plans, grading, you name it. Where am I? Here. I just realized that I hadn't been here in a while and I am posting. Not that I don't have material. KIS has continued her shenanigans. I never will understand what she does or why she does it. I take solace in seeing that my other teammates scratch their heads confused as well. They ask me about her, and I realize I am not alone. I am not making it up or exaggerating. I am not blowing it out of proportion.

In addition to that, there is always the ongoing entertainment via the DA and watching him rope in our coworkers. He seems to be starting to feel the weight of the year, as he confided that he is feeling overwhelmed. I felt overwhelmed the first week of school. I feel like there is a continuum. I am not apathetic or indifferent, but I am somewhere between that and overwhelmed. The initial shock is gone, but I am still "feeling it." I want to get in my groove, and improve, but sometimes I feel like my attempts at growth and change are met with some resistance. Aside from KIS asking me things like "Why bother? That is too much work.." or hearing reading coaches tell my bilingual teammate to "find his own books," I can only ask myself why. I then remember that is a question with an obvious answer and that the better question should be why not? My kids are great. I think I lucked out with that regard. They really are the reason I put up with the craziness-both that caused directly and indirectly with my actions. I shall return when some of the specialness dies down...

Love matters, but it isn't matter, even if you can "feel" it...

2008-09-09T03:23:00Z

And now I am at 15-16 kids. Still a small group. A very compliant group so far. I have to remember that they aren't full fledged fourth graders yet-that is the hardest thing for me so far. Well, that and that I am not fully in the swing of things yet. I am relearning everything. We have a new math curriculum, and I am trying to adjust to it. I am also trying to intervene earlier with this group-I already see kids who struggle with some content. At this point, it has really been a lot of 3rd grade content. I don't doubt that their teachers taught them last year. I know they have been in school for like 2 weeks now. But I just want to be "there." Where is there? There is at a point where I am meeting with small groups. There is where all of my systems-for management, planning, assessment, and communication are in place. I am trying to get back to that organized place. The engaging place, where I can differentiate a lot better because I know what I am working with. But I feel like I am at the bottom of the mountain. At least I see light on the other side of it.

I am trying to do more with language arts-I have actually been doing a lot of professional reading and set some more specific goals in regard to that. I just feel like I am starting to slip up a little in science and social studies. In like 40 years, maybe I will have it down pat. I guess what is making science harder now is that I am not blindly following the curriculum (which even our coaches admit is less than desirable at points). I am looking more at the state standards and creating lessons around them. Social studies is a whole other issue. I actually like social studies a lot. But again, there are some things that could be tweaked. I am hoping that my teammates are willing to help me with this. I am doing small things to try to win them over. Like the DA-I stayed at school with him till 8:30 tonight to help him find things to leave for our subs tomorrow-Core Content meeting...a rarity for my grade level. On a tangent, I had a dream about possible events at the aforementioned meeting. Wonder if they will come to fruition? I even offered to help him this weekend with unpacking his room-he moved from the portables indoors. I told him his room looks like a game of Tetris. Our 5th grade neighbor calls his room CostCo. The Newbie is prett easy to please-I just lend her things. I talk to her and answer whatever questions I can. We humor each other. Then I just chip away the ice that encases KIS. I engage her in small talk. I lend her materials without expecting the same in return. She is the hardest of the three to engage, but I am still trying. My hope is still the same-I am hoping that we can learn from one another. Seriously, no BS. The Newbie is willing to help me with my quests to realign some curriculum, and compile resources. The DA isn't far behind. I need a special touch. For myself. And perhaps some patience..especially since my kids told me that "love" is matter, and air isn't. Yeah. That is beyond an orange.....And on that note, it is pst my bedtime. Sorry for the lack of coherence..

A Numbers Game-More Food For Thought....

2008-08-30T00:26:00Z

I am a dreamer. I am a visionary. That means I see things-I notice patterns and get joy out of putting it all together. That is just how I am wired. My mother told me that as a child, I would get extremely upset with disorder and that I was always trying to clean things up. I guess that makes for a somewhat anal retentive adult. It isn't that I am looking for flaws really. It is just that I enjoy even more looking for solutions.

Maybe that is why I like math-both doing and teaching it. It is a thinking game. Not really about finding what is wrong. You don't even really have to be super smart to get math. All you have to really be able to do is reason and see logic. I tell my kids all the time, that I am not interested mostly in the answer. I am more interested in the "how" we got to that answer. I want to know more about that path that they are taking to get there.

Do you ever have all the answers when solving math problems? Rarely. I always ask my kids to start with what they do know to help them figure out the things that they aren't sure about.

This is how I think. I see things-not because I am out with that big red pen, circling all the errors of life. I don't even grade with a red pen because I hate that. Oh, yeah, this is all wrong, let me mark up your paper. That sucks. I try to do very little "slashing." I mostly ask questions instead. That I feel is more helpful than just putting a flaming red X.

That is what I do when I rant. I ask a lot of questions. I am not out with a red pen on some mad witch hunt. That is counter-productive and tiring. What I do see are systems, and I simply have questions. How can we be more effective? How can I be more effective? What is a win-win for everybody? I listen more than it may appear. I listen to the 5th grade teachers because I want to help make their job easier with my kids when they get them. I hear what their needs are, and I am able to focus my teaching around my weaknesses. It is a growing game. At the same time, I talk to 3rd because my kids were their babies at one time. They should be invested as well. I went to a 3rd grade teacher today and thanked him for doing such an awesome job teaching his kids parts of speech. It will work wonders with writing. I really appreciate it, and I also appreciate the communication about the kids.

NCLB. I think of the push with standardized testing. I am not anti-testing. I understand the need for a standard. Here is my problem. I find it problematic when we ignore kids who struggle in Kinder-2nd and then get involved in the magic 3rd grade. We then ignore them in 4th and care again when they get to 5th. Is this the coaches' fault? No, they are working as they are told to. A coach admitted to me that she was told to leave us alone because 3rd and 5th had more kids. So really, is the coach to blame? No. So then is the principal to blame? Not really, cause she is trying to meet some numbers. That is what it really boils down to-a numbers game. Do we care that a student who achieved at a 25% at the start of the year has been pulled up a 69% ? Do we care that this child has struggled from year to year, and is finally starting to make large gains? We do, we being the people who work with the struggling student. But if that child doesn't make it on that magic testing day, it is all for lost. Even if that child misses by one question. What is the solution? I am no rocket scientist, but if a kid is struggling in Kinder, why leave him hanging? I don't know how many primary teachers I have heard from time to time getting ditched for support because the push is on a testing grade. Again, not passing blame, but does this really make sense? Those primaries are the base. If the foundation isn't stable, then the whole house caves in. But what do you do? This is where I get antsy, and I say things. How do we recognize the child's true gains? I have had kids who passed, but their growth overall was minimal. At the same time, I have had kids who really come a long ways and shown more numerical growth than that passing child, but still fall short. As a teacher, I feel like I have short changed them both. I feel I could have pushed the student who passed further along. I wonder what extra thing I could have done for that one who fell short, but hung in there the whole way. What are the answers? I get lost in the how. It is frustrating, it drives me crazy, and makes me step on a few toes from time to time, but I am intrigued in the "getting there" as much as I am the actual "solution" itself. Those numbers are my kids. I feel like if I can get them to trust me to help them, and if I can get them to try, I need to try a little harder too. That means learning more about my craft, but it also means being a pain if I have to in order to get things and services for them. They are the motivation for my rant. I can't leave and I won't walk away.

Things to Digest

2008-08-29T22:44:00Z

Redirection. Reflection. That has been the theme lately. No, I am not talking about my class. I mean with myself, my cause, my purpose.

Yes, the blog is biased-I write it. I love myself. But, contrary to some opinion, I see that I have issues. There are things I wish to be and I struggle with who I am. I also succeed with who I am, so it's a double edged sword. Do we really want the laundry list? Okay, here are a few of the pros and cons of my being:

I will start with the cons:

1. I could be more subtle. Maybe subtle isn't the word. I am pretty forthright, blunt and honest to a fault, and sometimes my comments are harsh. Sorry, I don't like skipping around the daisies. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I don't mean to say mean things though.

2. I am hard to get close to. I don't do well with lukewarms or in betweens. I pretty much either love you or I just don't. Won't say hate, cause that is pretty strong. It is extremely hard to lose my heart, but it is also a little difficult to capture it.

3. I am moody. I admit to it. I get annoyed with myself at times, and will remove myself from others if I am crabby. I give myself "time outs." I need them.

4. I am critical. Yep, I know it seems like everyone else is my target, but I am equally critical, if not more so, of myself. That could be sort of arrogant, because I am no better than anyone else. Count that as a flaw if you must.

5. I think of myself. No, the world doesn't revolve around me. But I do realize that I can speak on what I believe truthfully. I can only guess at what others think with some certainty. Rather than talk in possible thoughts, it is easier for me to talk on what I know.

And you know, I could just keep on going. I have issues in life. We all do. I need to grow up and get over myself. So do we all. I hope we get that.

I bet you are expecting me to now start tooting my horn and tell you how awesome I am. Actually, not going to do that. Many people who know me seem to think I am pretty awesome. Some also think I suck. Both camps are right. I am not here to change your opinion or bring you to one side. You are more than capable of thinking on your own.

I do, however, feel the need to refocus my writing. I just start typing. I think like my kids-I will put what is on my mind down first, and then I will fix it later. Blogging is a chance for me to be reflective. It is therapeutic. I let go of my frustrations here, rather than on the kids, or even with the adults at work. It helps me pick my spots. It may sound as if I am constantly in turmoil, but actually I am not. I goof with my colleagues. I play pranks on them, but I also help them with things. They help me. They give me advice, give me direction when I need it, and just a smile from time to time. We are family, in many ways. Just like you fight with your siblings, we have our sibling rivalry from time to time. I am not all at fault as they aren't either. We are all people. I have my faults, they have strengths, and vise versa, but in the end, it all works out.

Those that read often, hear about KIS and administration. Honestly, there are things about both that frustrate me from time to time. I also know that I bug KIS. Administration must be okay with me, because even with the rants, I have always gotten positive remarks on my job performance. I get the extra responsibilities because they trust me. Also, the "rants" are not just moans and groans. They are for change-not for my sake. Not to make room 312 easier. Nope, not even close. Really, it is ultimately for the kids. I rant about things like this: More tutoring for my Bills. More meeting with the coaches so that we can grow as teachers and teach our kids better. I rant about needing more time to collaborate with teammates because we all have different skills and could benefit from having the space to really share those talents in a real way. Yes, I also mean KIS. I get the feeling from her that she is tired of being ignored, but in someways has given up trying to be heard. She speaks of the politics of the job. The only difference between us in that is that I am too stupid to just sit down and be quiet. She has seen things come and go, and often speaks of the happenings at our school as "a phase" or that things are the way they are because "that's just the way it is." All the things I have mentioned in terms of rants, she has also at some point expressed disgust with.

And being the ranter, at some point, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. It isn't perfect, but from time to time I do get some of those things ranted for. Not because I am awesome. It is called putting bugs in ears. If no one will say it, it won't ever change. I am just one person who will. Others talk too, and so things start to happen.

It isn't a blame game, and I need to refocus myself, because I feel like that is what it has become. I am not anti-KIS. I am frustrated at the bigger problem-I want a team. The team keeps changing, and KIS is actually the only constant there. No, she isn't the reason the others left-nor was I. They all had their own personal reasons, each of which I respect. I actually still keep in contact with all my old teammates. I am not sure how KIS feels about that. But this is what my thoughts are about that-I could be totally wrong. She has been in the same place for quite some time, which I respect. I respect this because as much as I like my kids, it is not the easiest place to teach. There are many reasons, that I won't go into here. Nonetheless, KIS has stuck it out. Seriously. And she does it well. Her kids learn. But I know that in that time, she has seen a lot-changes in administration time and time again. All the fads that come and go with those changes. All of the staffing. In just the 4 years I have been there, I have only seen one grade level stay stable. I don't mean adding one person to a grade level. I have seen 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and special areas teams be completely different from when I started teaching at the school. The other grades-K and 5th, only have one person left from my original year. That is rough. Think about how many teammates KIS has gone through before me. What would you do if you constantly were going through these changes? I know all schools have turnover. But I am thinking of that of a normal school multiplied and then adding all the other changes. You have yourself as a constant. If that is the case, how do you turn to others time and time again? At some point, it is only human to just get tired. It is just easier to do your own thing.

I have much I could learn from KIS. Even in my new school ways, there are things she can still learn from me. Even more so, there are things that our team could learn if we all really were "with it." That is what frustrates me. I am annoyed when I see KIS ignore my teammate who is saying hello to her. I am annoyed also with myself for being mean sometimes as a result. I am annoyed when I give up trying to communicate with KIS, but I am also annoyed that when I try time and time again to open up the lines of communication, the response is so inconsistent. I wish I understood KIS, and I wish she understood me. I wish the teammates who left had more success with KIS, and then maybe could show me what to do or say because I feel so hit and miss with her. Sometimes I can get her to chat it up. That is the closest I can get. It is progress, because there were times she would literally ignore me if I spoke to her. But really, even these things don't compare to what it is that I really want. I want to be able to collaborate with all of my teammates, not just plan some things with the DA, or discuss things with the Newbie. Sounds all rainbowy, but seriously, that is what I want more than KIS to leave. I am just tired. Tired of all of it.

Does this all come down to KIS? No, what it really comes down to is teacher retention. What can we do as a school, as a district, as a nation, to keep teachers staffed in challenging schools? This is my real frustration. Not KIS, this is way bigger than her-she is a victim of this too, if you really think about it. She hasn't had consistency on a team level because of the system. It isn't the principal's fault. Not passing the buck. But if your team is constantly re-faced each year, how can you expect to build that level of trust needed to really function in that capacity? This then trickles down to the students. How do we do that? Not only attract, but retain teachers in the high need schools? That is my true rant.....

To be continued....

The Wrath of KIS

2008-08-27T00:31:00Z

School is going great. I have a small class so far-only 13 kids that are physically there-and there is some promise there. I always feel like the NFL Draft whenever the school year starts. The lists change, classes get leveled, and then there you are, on day 37 , coming up with a game plan to make your franchise into a dynasty team. My recruits are so far cutting the mustard. They all want to help do everything, and bend over backwards to please me, even the so called "trouble" ones. Don't get me wrong, I am not crazy. I know there's a honeymoon phase. Even still, there is the occasional testing, but nothing serious. It is like playing chess-I corner you, and match you tic for tack until it is checkmate. It is a benevolent queendom. Act right, and I will treat you royal. Act crazy, and you will be the court jester.

I do see some smart kids in my group. I also see some with some academic issues already apparent (on the second day already). They are all helpful, and they are all happy to be in 312. Apparently, the buzz around the kid pool is that 312 is the place to be. If they want to actually be at school, that is already half the battle. If they come back the second day, after having homework the first night, and a couple of behavior plans, and still want to come back Wednesday, than that is even better. My kids, in short, have been cool. Now, where the problem ensues isn't the kids. Even with the Bills of the school, rarely the kids are the issue. True to form, that thorn in my thigh starts digging in deep. Usually it is administration and the coaches. Right now, the coaches and administration are too busy to harass me yet (or vise versa. Give me another week or two). So of course, who steps in to feel in that ever present void in my life? The void from harassment (or rather at the moment, the lack thereof) has been filled by none other than my bright and shining superstar KIS.

Let me preface this by using this moment to officially name my other to teammates. We already know KIS. I need to give you the background with my other two teammates to make this story flow for you. And here they are, ladies and gents, the other two members of the 4th grade Wrecking Crew. You know, WC could also be water closet, so maybe we need a new name. Sounds like 4th grade has pipe dreams and our year is going down the toilet. Not the best visual...

Teammate 1- The DA

Not district attorney, although he does have some tendencies toward arguing points with logic. He is a little more honest than a lawyer, though. Maybe a little too honest, but hey, that's why we get along. Nope, DA stands for Devil's Advocate. He likes to flip the script and play the other side. Sometimes it is what he believes, sometimes it is just to screw with your head and annoy you. I actually enjoy it, because you have to be intelligent to realize what he is doing. I like watching him rope some of our more gullible co-workers into those conversations which leave them scratching their heads. With him, you have to realize that you don't listen to half of what he is saying. I got this off the bat, and so he doesn't bother me. We sometimes tag team and harass 5th grade this way. He can be a thoughtful teammate, putting things in your box that he thinks may be useful, picking up the tab at lunch. He must have read my memo, because every time I come to his room after school he offers me snacks. That always scores points. His approach to KIS is more diplomatic than mine, and he is fully aware after a couple of days working with her . He caught on to the KIS learning curve quickly. He works hard, so he is often there with me after school, unlike KIS who will dart out at 2:46, a minutes after dismissal.

Teammate 2-The Newbie

I think it is pretty straight forward. She's new to our school. That could be for the better or worse. Right now, I will say better. She has some sass, which will take her a long way if you partner with me. You can't work with me without being a little sassy and smart alecky. That is a prerequisite. She has taught before, just not at our school. In terms of KIS awareness, she is just starting to feel the wrath of KIS. As I learn her a little better, I will tell you more.

And of course, KIS is teammate 3. You know her-the team leader who doesn't even acknowledge that she has a team. Yeah. I hold a torch to her standard of excellence. Oh, wait, the parchment is on fire, let me move it a little more to the left, err, I mean away from the papers. Wouldn't want that nasty flame to scorch her ever so high set goals...

And of course there is me, teammate 4. If KIS and my other mates get names, guess I should get one too. I will be QA for Quality Assurance. I go around and put stickers on things. No, not really. I am just the rebel rouser, the one who fights the fight against ignorance and insolence-on the part of the adults, not the kids....

And now with all that information, here are KIS' antics for the day. My class had P.E. today as a special area. KIS was mad because she thought the Newbie was going to Art today, and that is where she wanted to go. Sorry, KIS, hate to break it to you, but you don't get to pick your specials each day. Besides, we already let you decide where to go first-you were adamant about the first day being PE for you. Sorry, babe, but then that means you go to Music the next day. It is MAP, not PAM. It is a patten, or as the kids would say, a pat-er-ren. Simple math, sweetheart. Love you....

Then, being the beacon of light that I am, as I was leaving PE, I met up with the DA, and we got all the recess equipment for our teammates. Just figured we'd save some trips. The Newbie is appreciative. Cool. KIS, on the other hand, looks like she thinks I am handing her hot garbage instead of balls. The DA deduced that her disgust was in seeing that we also had equipment for ourselves as well (We are going to find out about supplies, even if you don't tell us hon! You don't have the whole school on lock and key, like your supply shelves...what is up with that?). Before this, I should also mention that she has started her cafeteria routine. The one where she beats the entire team to lunch and still picks up her kids last. Today she even beat the Pre-Kinder kids. Way to set the standard for excellence! I salute you!

That is just up to recess. After school, KIS is miffed with the entire team because we didn't meet with her. Okay, so here is a list of reasons why we didn't meet with her. If you have paid attention to my descriptions, you already will be able to predict some of them....

5) The three of us all had afternoon duty, and guess what-we were doing that!

4) Our team leader never mentioned it. Oh wait, let me elaborate....

-no set date or time to meet

-didn't ask us what worked for us at all

-lack of communication or a plan at all on her part

3) When she did decide for us to meet, after not only not telling us, when she saw that none of us were around, she didn't go looking for any of us, lord forbid calling any of us (because, she can't call our rooms and two of us -me and the DA - are her next-door neighbors). Why is it that she has none of our cell phone numbers, and I have both the DA and the Newbie's numbers in my phone book? Why am I even asking myself this?

2) Oh, did I mention that even though she saw each of us about 5 million times today, not once did she mention this to any of us?

and reason number 1:

1) After she blows up at me (like she always does when things don't go her way-it is our special love I think) I offer to go get the other two teammates, and she gets all mad, saying that it is now too late. She says we will just have to do it during our planning (I opted not to inform her that we'd have to do that in addition to whatever we'd have done today anyway). She wants to plan an entire unit, has totally ignored that we need to discuss the other subjects as well (she wants to take my science plans, but since I am the one who records the minutes, she can't steal credit for my work like she stole my schedule and the Pre-K lunch block! Hahahahahahahaha!) and also wants to send out a 4th grade letter that really is all about how her room runs, not considering our styles. This is because, "that is how we always did it," she says. Okay, reality check. By we, you really mean you, cause we know you don't collaborate. As if on cue, as I mention to the DA and the Newbie that KIS is mad and we now have to meet on Wednesday (cause does she tell either of them this? Of course not!) a 5th grade teacher tells me that KIS got really mad at her. When I ask why (I know, I know, remember I am a glutton for punishment), she says it is because-and I know this will shock you-that the new 5th graders are having a hard time working together in groups. The 5th grade teacher didn't understand why that upset KIS. I then pointed to her rooster and showed her that a lot of her class this year was KIS' former class. Ah, so it now makes perfect sense. KIS' classes over the year are a whole other story for a blog. Well, hon, if the teacher won't work with her teammates, how can you expect the kids to work with one another? Aww, here's an orange and a hot compress.

If that didn't make your day, here is my happy hit for all the ladies out there. Think on how we often are forced to look at children and women all day because of our line of work. At my school, there are guy teachers on every grade level, but most of them are gay (the DA included). It is cool, though. Still makes for some hard up need for male attention. Pretty sad. Well today, in the sandwich of specialness with KIS, there was a beacon of hope. As I am eating my lunch in the lounge with the specials teachers and the DA, he walks in. Who, you may ask? Let me fan myself. A mentor for the kids, who is a firefighter. Oh, and was he hot. The DA said that I just got quiet all of a sudden and that I was practically drooling. I won't lie...I traced every inch of his body with my eyes. It was one of those moments where I pictured shushing the kids while I ooggle the hot man in uniform. Oh, the thoughts in my head. I didn't care that the principal was standing right there. Everything she said was like those Charlie Brown teachers. I don't know what I am going to do with myself... So far I guess it is shoes, hot fireman, and KIS. Did I mention that engineers are also coming to mentor the kids? I gotta start getting ready now...

You Can't Teach an Old Dog New Tricks?

2008-08-23T18:08:00Z

In the spirit of positivity (is that even a word?), I am trying to look toward the optimistic end of the spectrum. I didn't get Bill's little sister in my class this year (I swear she is a female version of him...). I also supposedly got a few kids who are supposedly really smart and a few that are really sweet/funny/etc. On the flip side, I also know that I have a few "ticking bombs" that were given to me because, quote, "KIS just wants them to be quiet, but you will try to "get" them.." I got a waiver this year, so no formal observation this year. My room feels homey now, so I feel like in that aspect I am ready for the school year. I have a general idea for the first few days, but I really have to feel my kids out.

All things said, even though I haven't been spewing rainbows, things have been ok. I am genuinely excited about school starting again. I am not even being sarcastic. I already have my first day outfit. I won't go into details, but it is a look of business meets casual. Tailored Express Editor pants with a pair of dual-colored (and tongued) Chuck Taylors. Sounds kinda funky, but it was something I stumbled on that actually looked pretty cool. What can I say? I am still a 25 year old first. My team has been cool, and people around the school have been nice. What about KIS, you may ask? She was even being halfway human. I actually sat down and talked to her about school things, which was already strange in itself. Then the even more surreal part-KIS asks me to teach her about ways to use technology after my presentation (the one I was volun-told to do). I am floored that she would even 1) admit she doesn't know something, 2) ask me for assistance with anything, 3) consider walking into the 21st century, or 4) even acknowledge my existence. Sounds harsh, yes, but seriously...consider all that I have told you about her up to this point.

And just as I start to see KIS in a new light, I find that perhaps it was just a random shot in the dark. After having a team meeting, I reluctantly change my schedule in an attempt to be uniform. I ask her the next day if it is correct before sending it off to administration. I noticed something that seemed off, but she assures me that it is fine the way it is. I email it, then go ahead and make one for the classroom. At about 2:30 that afternoon, I find on my printer KIS' schedule. She has gone and changed her schedule. This wouldn't matter if A) it wasn't the original schedule I had that she made me change, B) she had shared her decision with the rest of the team, C) our principal wasn't on this big kick to make all grade levels "uniform," or D) I didn't feel like she was just looking out for herself. I asked her basically why she did this, and if I now had to go change my schedule again, and she was all like, "Yeah, I saw what you meant, and so I changed my schedule after I talked to you. Don't worry. If you get in trouble, just change it back..." I am steaming like a demon at this point, but my other teammates let me know that they made their schedules like mine. I am beyond annoyed with her. Why does she resist it so? I try to sacrifice my way, probably more than I should, and she goes and takes my ideas after the fact, passing them off as her own. I take solace in that this really could be her last year. Live and learn.. At least I have some cool shoes.

My apartment is trashed, and the kids aren't even here yet, so...

2008-08-20T04:31:00Z

I probably need therapy. Being that the first day of instruction is next Monday, it is scary that therapy has already crossed my mind. They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Right now, I admit that I have many problems.

After the last entry, I find the need to paint rainbows and sunshine into my walls. I usually can find the humor in even the bleakest of predicaments. I will laugh about things going down in mi escuela. Before I do that though, it may require some meds and perhaps a straight jacket. Maybe none of the above and just a stiff drink. Or three.

Should the working in the dark of last week serve as an indicator of the year to come? No, I refuse to let it get me down to that level. But I will say that with two days of staff development already under my belt, I already feel overwhelmed and want to hide in my blankets. All I need now is to walk into my classroom and find some lady named Cathy typing memos at my desk, with the "Hang in there" banner (you know, the one with the cat) propped on my back wall.

Don't get me wrong. There are some positive things. There are some "meh" things, and things that just make you go "hmmmmm..." There is the good, bad and the ugly. Good-My teammates seem like they are going to be okay. Of course, there is always KIS, but on the positive side, she hasn't shut any doors in my face yet and I keep hearing that this really is her last year. I can just dream, right? Just imagine. The school would be forced to find a new fourth grade teacher and then there is the chance to train them,er, collaborate with them, and win more soldiers in my cause to turn over the system that needs a few special touches. The system itself is the "bad and ugly." Remember all the awesome things that I ranted about all year? Funny how those are things that everyone else is starting to rant about as well. Even funnier (or perhaps sadder) is that even with more voices, I am still yet to be convinced that anything will be heard. Why is it so hard to look at objective data without getting hurt or defensive? I will never fully know, but I do know that until we are able to "keep it real," we will keep really fudging up. Like how I cleaned up that? Ah, self censorship.

Humorous tidbits. Consider all that I have told you about KIS. Our new principal has decided to have team leaders this year (which I have many mixed feelings about) and guess who 4th grade has to turn to for leadership, guidance, and inspiration. That is right, my beacon of hope, the light on that dark path (or, err, classroom) is none other than.....KIS! I am beyond overjoyed. Talk about irony. More ironic is how one of the most laid back teachers (and that is really the nicest way that I can say the teacher houses a zoo....) implies that "some teachers" have gotten complacent. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! The AP goes on about her tech skills, and then keeps having issues with all of the technology she used so far for PD. I learned how to make "lip sandwiches" (basically a way to close your mouth to keep from talking) after seeing lots of moments like this. I had a few comments that I had to express, and it hurt a few feelings, but they were all based in fact.

I get calls from people about students that I didn't even realize were in my class (hadn't gotten to see my rooster until today) and Sp. Ed informs me that there are a few more students that they requested be in my class who aren't on my rooster. So I went from a couple over my English teammates to about three, to possibly four extra kids, to "let's make your room the inclusion room." I still haven't gotten to plan anything with my team, send communications welcoming my new class, or finish my room for that matter. I haven't even gone to the bathroom yet. Then there is still the issue of my intern who comes next week. I have my own professional projects that aren't important to administration (even though they support the things we need to grow in). I can hardly contain my excitement and delight. Seriously. I realize it may be hard to find the joy in all of the confusion, stress, and darkness, but it is there, wedged between all that and the idea that I should be KIS' maid of honor. Did I mention that she is getting married? That is good for her. I mean it. Seriously. While she is getting fitted for a gown, maybe I should go back to considering getting fitted myself..with that white straight jacket. Is this what I get for wanting to fix things? I think every teacher should be required to switch grades with someone else so that they fully understood the issues that each grade level has to deal with. Administration should have to teach each grade for like a week per grade in all our full course loads and other duties. I probably shouldn't be given any power or say because I already see myself flipping things upside down and inside out. Or is that just what we need?...Ahh, so the journey begins-go 08-09!

My Testimony...

2008-07-30T02:07:00Z

It is all winding down...I find myself spending the remainder of my July and the start of August back in the classroom. No, I am not kicking it in room 312 just yet. For that matter, I am not even at my own school yet. That's right lady and gents, I am in PD mode. I had lofty goals for this summer. The siren call of my bed, daytime television, and the wooing call of Guitar Hero have somewhat deterred me from my path. In someways, that is what I have needed. I have a hard time getting away from my work. I have had time to think on my personal life, the one that isn't rooted in my students, and reflect on where I want to be. How to regain some of the balance that I so desperately need.

And then it all comes down like a bag of bricks. I look at the daunting task in front of me and wonder if I have what it takes to get the job done. I look at the growth that has happened in the few years I have been teaching. I have learned many things about who I am. While my practice has evolved over the years, I find that some things-such as my enthusiasm and heart to do this, have remained from the very day I literally accepted the call to teach at my school. In the course of that time, well, life has happened-both in and outside of the classroom. Outside the classroom, I did that transition from college kid to real adult. Moving away from my college apartment, and in a residential area with no keg parties. Granted, I still want to move away from where I am at now, but it is a start. I have been financially responsible for myself since college, but there is a big shift from working part time and getting scholarships and financial aid to working full time as a professional with benefits. It is amazing how a degree can change your SES in an instant. Taking care of all my health care, paying all the bills, and all the insurance I have now is crazy-car, renter's, life, etc., etc.....I remember being in college, student teaching, working and getting sick, thinking, "I can't afford to be sick-I gotta buy books, etc." Now I can go to the doctor if I feel crappy. That may not seem like much, but I remember being without......

Then there was the first car, my little yellow Mazda, which I am still learning and growing comfortable with. I have left behind my crazy guy escapades (much to the dismay of some of my teacher friends, cause there are no more crazy stories as I sneak in work at the bell) and am focused on real relationships, not flings or unhealthy engagements. I have looked closely at my friendships and some have fallen by the wayside, others have grown, and some are still up in the air. Most of my friends are older than me (maybe it is the only child in me that has always forced me to converse with older adults rather than kids my own age cause there weren't any). That is fine and all, but I am also trying to find more friends that are in the same life stage as me-no kids just yet, not necessarily married yet (they can be, but in keeping with life stages..) starting out in career. I have always been self reflective-goes with my introversion-but even now it is more specific and focused on my personal growth. Sometimes things are clearer than others...

And then there are the days of my teacher life. Switching grades, new teammates EVERY single year (even when my grade level has stayed the same). Different mentors each year, and all of the people who officially mentored me are all now gone from my school. I keep in touch with them, but still. Losing some of the instructional coaches. Lost a few teacher colleagues. Administration-my Principal, the one who gave me that call, and who has supported my growth every step of the way (in oh so many ways) is gone to a new school (she has talked to me about following her there). I see how my instructional and managerial approaches have dramatically strengthened each year. I went from reluctance in my own teacher "voice" to becoming an advocate for my kids, to a teacher other teachers turn to for consultation. I am by no means where I want to be-it is a continuum. Still.....

I think about my contemplation of the new year and I try to pinpoint my anxiety. Is it the change? Maybe partially, but change is the only constant I have from my experience to this point. Do I worry about the kids? I know that I will do my best with them, and build a caring community-all of my classes-even the crazy one-have developed a sense of "family" each year, so it is doable. I also know that all of my actions are researched based best practice. I guess what really scares me is the position that I really have been being groomed for since I set foot on campus. People are looking to me to..do things. I have always tried to blend in the background-it is scary being called forward. I see my strengths, but I also see my shortcomings. I used to be able to hide in my "baby" stance at work...everyone looked out for me and I was held up at the shoulders while I gained balance. I feel like I have gone from that struggling toddler, toddling those first steps to a preschooler on a tricycle. Now I feel like I am on a bicycle and someone stole my training wheels.

I actually talked to my teammates today (one I went to a training with, but both I talked to over the phone in separate conversations). My role even as a teammate has changed. When I started teaching, they mostly supported me. Now, both of my teammates are new to the grade, though not to teaching, and they are ...looking toward me. It is different, and I wonder if I can not only be effective with my group of students, but also if I can help my team. At least both teammates are upbeat about the situation and work hard. I was telling my looping teammate of my concerns with the year (he has been there the whole time, and I didn't want to have that talk with my new teammate) and he offered me solace in that no matter what happens with all the changes, whether they be good or bad, at least we will be in this together. It helps to hear that. We will just pass the flask from teammate to teammate...I find it ironic that I have phone numbers for both of my teammates, and I can call either on my cell and have a conversation with them. They have been my teammates for about a month now. But KIS has been my teammate for the last two years (the only one who has stayed) and she wouldn't even call me on the classroom phone. She won't even come in my room, and she will block me from hers. I couldn't call her now if my life depended on it. My brand new teammate, fresh from another district. I have spent one day with her, and I know more about her than I do KIS. In short, that is a damn shame. Maybe that also bothers me...

For the Love of Bill...

2008-07-22T22:37:00Z

I often talk of all the "specialness" at my school. There is the randomness of the Bills that wander through our halls. There is the up and down round and round relationship with the instructional coaches and administration. Teachers come and go like retention is out of style. I can't think of one grade level that has stayed the same every year (or even for two years consecutively) while I have taught at the school. Team stability has gone the way of the jheri curl and parachute pants-it just ain't what's hot on the streets here. I know, that was grammatically awesome.....

Yes, there is KIS. There are teacher cliques. I am not in any particular clique-I get along with mostly everyone. There is the busted copier in the workroom, special "insect friends" from time to time, and the bathrooms on the 300 wing which are abysmal. The computers that die on us weekly (to the point I bring my old computers to school for the kids to use) and the constant destruction of the door leading to the playground (the door directly outside my door leading outside). There are the times when we have had police chases right outside the windows of our classroom, causing the school to be locked down. Once, the SWAT team got involved (my poor kids were stuck in the cafeteria for like half the day, and I had no way of being with them). Parents that are in jail is a common thing at my school. At the same time, so are Air Jordans and free lunch. The kids already know about the neighborhood gangs.

All of this is true. But there are somethings that get my goat. It is not the kids themselves or even the situation of the school itself. Every school has its issues. What bothers me more than all of this is when people who are clueless about any of the challenges Lil' Bill faces daily judge him. I won't lie-I crack on the kid. It is hard not to-he gives me so much material to work with. But as much as I clown that boy, I love him even more. It is impossible to really be at my school without having some emotional stakehold in these kids. They have a lot going on. I am not saying that the answer is to coddle them. Empathize, but then have expectations. They need someone who understands where they are coming from, but at the same time, they need someone to expect things of them. It just never ceases to amaze me how out of touch the west is from the east in my district. When I listen to people talk about "those eastside kids" I wonder, when was the last time you even talked to any of these kids? Walked in their neighborhood? Been to their houses/apartments? Have you seen teachers who go into their own pockets for the kids? I have earned the right to rant about my people because I am actually working with my people, trying to help make things better. If an outsider is going to judge them without doing their bid, their time, on the eastside, I am not really interested in whatever they have to say. They didn't earn a rant--not even a complaint.

Back in the Day...

2008-07-16T05:10:00Z

When I write, I tend to think on a continuum. Mostly, my writing focuses on the here and now and a glimpse into the future. Other times I am reflective, thinking on the past. At all times, I try to be somewhat humorous, maintain a relative level of relatablility (there I go making up words again..), and dose out that tough love in ways that only I know how. I do this all by observing the people I come across and releasing the random thoughts that run through my head at any given moment. I make lists, cause that is just what I do, and make reference to 80's music and fads......

I want to take this time to remember a ...simpler..time. I have been blogging about KIS, interviews, and all the changes that I will endure this upcoming school year. As a result, teachers have asked me questions that I felt would be better addressed as a blog itself than as a comment. Give me a mic and one half listener and I won't shut up...I love getting on soap boxes, but that is not today's mission. Nor is it to be a dissenter or a rebel rouser, challenging the status quo and complacency (hey, school hasn't started yet...). No, my friends, this is a chance to reflect on those simple days, the days before 312- I used to roost in room 203-and pre KIS (can we really have days that are pre-KIS, being that she has been teaching since the dawn of time?). I feel like I have already aged like 35 years to tell this story, when in all actuality, this all happened like three years ago...bear with me...

I talk now about conducting interviews, but I still remember being on the opposite end of the interviewing process. If I think a little harder, I actually remember finishing up apprentice teaching and graduating college. I student taught 5th-never could get a 4th grade placement (what irony that now I actually teach 4th grade). I also interned in 5th. At any rate, my cohort mates were all getting jobs that spring (some before graduation) and what was yours truly doing? I applied for jobs, but I also applied for an ESL program. I was a sucker for punishment even back then. Student teach, go to school full time, hold a part time job somehow, oh and graduate. Then what do I do? Go sign up to spend my summer right before teaching in the classroom again. I think I thrive off of activity.

At any rate, I spent my first summer as a college graduate right back at my alma mater taking courses. I also student taught (again!) in ESL elementary and middle school classrooms. After it was all said and done, I became certified early childhood through middle school as a generalist and ESL teacher. Oh, and I managed to travel across my state interviewing as well. So when future teachers ask if I spent the summer before my first gig planning lessons and all that jazz..not quite...sort of, well, I traveled a lot.

The interviewing process itself was actually interesting. Each interview was a lesson on what to do, what not to do. It was kinda like going on a blind date. You dress nice, are on your best behavior, and basically in it to see what you each have to offer one another. There were some schools that didn't work out because I didn't have the experience necessary. Others, well, the chemistry just wasn't right. The process helped me learn what was important to me in a job. I realized some things then:

1) I had to get a job with older kids...I don't have the patience to work with the little bitty kids.

2) I had a strong desire even back then to work with kids who "looked like me" (think beyond just race) and give back to the hood, which is where I am from myself.

3) I had to be somewhere that my potential would be fostered and I'd have a chance to grow as a leader.

I got turned down for jobs, I got offered jobs. The thing that made me accept the job I currently have was just the way I felt during the interview. I was comfortable, and the goals of the school fit perfectly within my personal goals for teaching. I can't really describe it, I just knew it was where I was supposed to be for the time being. I just remember that it was the only job I felt that I would be upset if I didn't get the job. I thought I didn't get the job at first. I remember that I was pretty bummed out, but was making my trek to Houston for some interviews. On the way to H-town, I got a call from the Principal offering me the job..it was like some movie drama, seriously. Sporadic trip to Houston, hitting the road in despair and contemplation, only to have thoughts interrupted with the chime of a cell phone-hey, that's your phone simpleton, answer it. You now have a job and...an interview in the morning. How "special" is that? And here's where the 80's theme music blasts and the credits roll (this is pre-yellow Mazda days, so no driving off into the sunset here)... -insert "I'm Not The One" by The Cars here-

And that kids, is the story of how I got my first teaching gig. There are other stories-of new teacher academy, meeting my first teammates, organizing my first classroom (I loved how the previous teacher organized by cramming everything into the closet and on shelves. It is a bad sign when your first interactions with the custodian involve him bringing a huge trash bin in your room and saying "good luck...") or just general grief that veteran teachers gave me (a "hazing" into the world of education, I will say). But that is for another day, another time.

The New Kid on the Block

2008-07-15T02:20:00Z

It is about that time. Sigh. I read the Sunday paper and there are already back to school sales. How can this be? It is like July. I haven't even gotten to the "I'm bored with summer, what am I gonna do?" phase yet. I still find contentment in sleeping in (which means getting out of bed at like 8:30 AM) eating whatever I want whenever I feel like it, and peeing freely (well, maybe not totally freely..). What does this say about me? Not really sure.

I am starting to shift into the productive side of my summer. I have integrated my science curriculum with Language arts and mathematics. I created a scope for science for the entire year, broke it into the major sciences we study (Physical, Life, and Earth Science, with processes integrated throughout each science) and within each set, broken it into units. I then started doing curriculum mapping for my first units in science. I am planning to do the same with math and language arts. We have a district curriculum, but I have been falling away from it more each year, and focusing more on the state standards.

I have also been doing some teacher reading and am looking into some summer trainings I am interested in doing before I have to go back to school. Thinking of my normal, gotta get ready to go back shpell, trying to convince myself that I should be more productive. I will be, and at moments I am pretty darn inspired, but right now I still want to watch "quality" cable television and eat my Strawberry Newtons. I still look at the things that await this school year, and I can only guess at the "specialness." I have 2 new teammates. I have the same KIS (which could be her last year, but I doubt I would be that lucky). A new principal. My first year with a real contract, no mentor (I will miss that, actually). Same old jobs and responsibilities, plus some other ones. A new group of kids. It is crazy. Three years ago, I was the new kid on the block, the teacher that kids thought was a sub. I was the newbie that the veteran teachers played pranks on, like tricking me into chipping in for floor buffing, or prank calling my classroom. Now the veteran teachers respect me a little more, and play fewer pranks (though I still get the occasional harassment). Kids all want to be in my class (it is crazy, and I am not always sure why the response is so crazy..it is a mixed blessing). And now I also have a college intern. Me? With an intern? I still remember the time when I questioned that someone thought it was a good idea for me to be left to teach children. That was when I felt like I was doing everything wrong, and those mean veterans that were messing with me tried to reassure me that I was doing just fine...

And now I am here, being left to shape the mind of a future teacher. I still remember when I was an intern. I actually ran into one of my teacher friends who I met as a student teacher at a conference this summer. She said that I have become a lot more confident as I have come into my own. It is hard being a student teacher in someone else's class with kids that aren't totally yours. I worried about becoming a teacher, but after becoming one, I realize that there is liberation in having your own class. Of course, there is administration, the instructional coach team, and the KISes of the teacher world. Even with the outside forces, you still have so much influence. Now my influence is being spread beyond room 312.

Oh, the memories and visions of the future, all hodgepodged in my scattered brain. I am not ready to go back, but I eventually will be. Am I a dork to even be thinking about any of this right now? Nah. I'm too cool, I am no square...I am more of a rhombus..or an equilateral rectangle. Oh, wait..those are all the same thing..oh well..