Independence!!

I got extremely frustrated today and it took me nearly all day to find the root cause. I get self-conscious sometimes at the drop of a hat (something I am working at overcoming), and I don't always recognize why it happens until later on when it grates on my mind... I'm a little slow. Anyways, I was aggravated by 4th period and couldn't quite figure out when it all started...

Having given up on determining the cause, I chalked it up to a case of the Mondays and cranked up my rock music in the car on the way home. Compared to my usual NPR or Mike O'Meara on the way home, I was blasting Puddle of Mud and yelling along to the words.

When I got home, I had had intentions of doing something productive and instead I "punted" and decided to paint my nails and eat a donut. Realizing how unproductive I was, feeling guilty for my general malaise and apathy about my Monday... I pulled myself out of my mini-slump, made a salad and went running. It was then, while I was running, with my blood pumping, helping me think a little clearer, that I sorted out my thoughts and realized what started my day on the wrong track.

FIRST PERIOD

Me: (at my laptop probably taking attendance or checking my e-mail)

Student: Um Ms. H... Um... can I ask you a question? Its... well its REALLY off-topic.

Me: Sure, I mean it depends on the topic (I smile) if I will give you an answer.

Student: Ok so I saw something, well I didn't see it, I mean I was there right after... I was the first person my friend talked to.... (without telling me the specific names, she went into detail of an awful story from the weekend where another student was a victim of assault)

Me: (by this point I am realizing the grave nature of the weekend story and I gave a slight hesitation as I prepared to answer)

Just as I am about to open my mouth another teacher who has more experience, and happens to be in the room, jumps in and tells her how the girl needs a restraining order, etc., etc., etc...

I didn't really react immediately, but the whole flow of conversation between myself and the student was interrupted and for the moment I was too self-conscious to be comfortable with my own judgement. I felt very much like a "teacher's aid" or a kid when it was MY student in MY classroom. I did the right thing anyways which was to e-mail the counselor and report exactly what the student had told me. The issue turned out to be very real and required attention from counselors and the police.

Looking back on it I am very irritated on several levels. One, I have a student who has enough trust in ME to ask what to do and I had a professional answer prepared. Two, I am not qualified to give SPECIFIC advice in a situation like this AND NEITHER WAS THIS OTHER TEACHER... it is our job when something like this comes up to direct the student to the correct adults in the building (i.e., admin/counselors/police). Three, I recognize now that I let the other teacher take over...

It was really insulting to feel like I am not good enough or qualified enough to handle my own job. This teacher was my assigned mentor when I started and I think I let her take over one too many times and now she is comfortable with that or something. I feel like I have been "duped" because it was my instinct that I was getting too much help... but I guess I really liked it last year when this teacher jumped in to answer questions when I felt lost, but now I feel like it has stunted my growth. It would have been better if I was left on my own to learn from my own mistakes. I guess I am learning now from the mistake of being too dependent. 

Now that I have realized the source of my frustration, I have an agenda for tomorrow. Reclaim my own class and independence.

**Ultimately I have nothing against the other teacher, just situations like the one today... we work closely together and I like this teacher as a person, we are friends... which makes it harder for me to deal with than if I disliked her... any advice?????????