What Works !??! :)

Unconventional Solutions

2009-05-06T03:50:00Z

All the teachers that I ever liked growing up used unconventional methods . Still, it seems counterproductive to try to be unconventional... it would defeat the purpose... so I have been going along my merry way as a regular teacher and today the opportunity for being unconventional presented itself. Background to the Problem The scenario is that my colleague has accidentally upset a student who is a member of a group that we co-lead. My colleague is the student's mentor (we'll call the student Mal). Mal is upset because she read an unfinished, unpolished report that is an accurate and honest but not very positive report about herself and her progress / lack thereof. Mal is now mad at my colleague and he doesn't know what to do. Unconventional Light-Bulb I set out a plan for entertaining myself , pranking my colleague (which is always fun) , and resolving the conflict between Mal and my colleague (which I was hoping for but I had no idea whether it would work). I checked with admin to make sure it was OK (I am chicken). I requested very seriously from the teacher whose class my student was in, " may I pull Mal out to talk for a few minutes ." No problem. Mal thinks she is in trouble and I make her wait in the hall for a few seconds while I pull out two rolls of masking tape and a mini-day-calendar of "inspirational" teaching quotes out of my classroom. " Wanna get back at McCLure for saying all those "mean" things ?" (we'll call my colleague "McClure" from here on in the story) " Yess " she responds enthusiastically. The whole thing with the inspirational quotes is that McClure finds them irritating . So we proceeded to cover his desk, walls and the surrounding area of his desk in post-it-note sized pages of quotes . When we were finished, there were quotes everywhere, even a few hidden behind pictures on the walls... the gift that keeps on giving . Mal enjoyed the revenge enough that it smoothed things over from the report... a result I hoped for but didn't expect. I had a truly entertaining afternoon. McClure was irritated by all the papers taped to his desk but happy about the result with Mal. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ PS - I was able to have a productive conversation with my colleague about my issue yesterday and I think I have sorted it out.

Independence!!

2009-05-05T01:12:00Z

I got extremely frustrated today and it took me nearly all day to find the root cause. I get self-conscious sometimes at the drop of a hat (something I am working at overcoming), and I don't always recognize why it happens until later on when it grates on my mind... I'm a little slow . Anyways, I was aggravated by 4th period and couldn't quite figure out when it all started... Having given up on determining the cause, I chalked it up to a case of the Mondays and cranked up my rock music in the car on the way home. Compared to my usual NPR or Mike O'Meara on the way home, I was blasting Puddle of Mud and yelling along to the words. When I got home, I had had intentions of doing something productive and instead I "punted" and decided to paint my nails and eat a donut. Realizing how unproductive I was, feeling guilty for my general malaise and apathy about my Monday... I pulled myself out of my mini-slump, made a salad and went running. It was then, while I was running, with my blood pumping, helping me think a little clearer, that I sorted out my thoughts and realized what started my day on the wrong track. FIRST PERIOD Me: (at my laptop probably taking attendance or checking my e-mail) Student: Um Ms. H... Um... can I ask you a question? Its... well its REALLY off-topic. Me: Sure, I mean it depends on the topic (I smile) if I will give you an answer. Student: Ok so I saw something, well I didn't see it, I mean I was there right after... I was the first person my friend talked to.... (without telling me the specific names, she went into detail of an awful story from the weekend where another student was a victim of assault) Me: (by this point I am realizing the grave nature of the weekend story and I gave a slight hesitation as I prepared to answer) Just as I am about to open my mouth another teacher who has more experience, and happens to be in the room, jumps in and tells her how the girl needs a restraining order, etc., etc., etc... I didn't really react immediately, but the whole flow of conversation between myself and the student was interrupted and for the moment I was too self-conscious to be comfortable with my own judgement. I felt very much like a "teacher's aid" or a kid when it was MY student in MY classroom. I did the right thing anyways which was to e-mail the counselor and report exactly what the student had told me. The issue turned out to be very real and required attention from counselors and the police. Looking back on it I am very irritated on several levels. One, I have a student who has enough trust in ME to ask what to do and I had a professional answer prepared. Two, I am not qualified to give SPECIFIC advice in a situation like this AND NEITHER WAS THIS OTHER TEACHER... it is our job when something like this comes up to direct the student to the correct adults in the building (i.e., admin/counselors/police). Three, I recognize now that I let the other teacher take over... It was really insulting to feel like I am not good enough or qualified enough to handle my own job. This teacher was my assigned mentor when I started and I think I let her take over one too many times and now she is comfortable with that or something. I feel like I have been "duped" because it was my instinct that I was getting too much help... but I guess I really liked it last year when this teacher jumped in to answer questions when I felt lost, but now I feel like it has stunted my growth. It would have been better if I was left on my own to learn from my own mistakes. I guess I am learning now from the mistake of being too dependent. Now that I have realized the source of my frustration, I have an agenda for tomorrow. Reclaim my own class and independence. **Ultimately I have nothing against the other teacher, just situations like the one today... we work closely together and I like this teacher as a person, we are friends... which makes it harder for me to deal with than if I disliked her... any advice?????????

training wheels?

2009-03-04T04:12:00Z

I have been really inconsistent with the whole blogging thing... but I have also decided that its OK. I knew going into it that I would have slumps. That aside, I have been teaching now for a year and a half and I feel like I should be doing better. I think I'm starting to understand the ugly statistic of teachers quitting within their first 3 years as opposed to just the first year. I am not giving up or wanting to quit... in fact I still love my job. But I get frustrated that the learning curve isn't faster, I am impatient. I feel like I should know what I'm doing by now and I don't. I am sort of used to being seen as a teacher... and I am pretty comfortable in a classroom... and I am much better at making lesson plans... but sometimes I think I still have on training wheels . I am trying to come up with a scenario to describe what I mean, but I think it is more of an overall impression that I have. What I am missing is one part knowledge, one part responsibility/organization, and two parts confidence. That would be the perfect recipe for me to yank off those pesky training wheels. Unfortunately, I can't convince myself to have more confidence... and its not the knowledge of my ability or talent either, its the application. I am nervous talking to certain students because they have been discipline problems in the past, I dread explaining topics that I find hard to teach, I worry too much about every little detail of what I say to the point where I am so concerned with how I am saying something and not so concerned with how the student is hearing it. I am particularly thrown off in my one class where I have had a lot of discipline problems in the past. Is this a normal feeling for teachers?? What can I do to make it go away?? ~~~impatient senorita~~~

every student has a story

2009-01-30T22:39:00Z

I think that it is a waste of time when students are herded in and out of school day after day if they are just one of many... if they are only, not to be too cliche but I am going to be cliche, just a number... I remember when I was growing up hearing my parents comments about how the middle 1/3 of students just get lost under the radar... I myself remember that I only liked the teachers that asked us about ourselves, or told us a few inspiring stories about themselves, or made the course material relatable to everyday life... it broke up the monotony. I know that many of the old Catholic school stories are about nuns who were cold and harsh and smacked your hand with a ruler... but I went to Catholic schools growing up and I had a religion teacher who was a Brother or Monk or something and in his class the lesson that I remember was when each student chose a pop culture song to bring in, to play, and to analyze... why did the singer write this song? what is their message? what is their struggle? what are the moral implications? I had another class where we kept journals where we wrote about ourselves all the time... those are the type of lessons I remember. Plus, what do teenagers want to do more than write/talk/think about themselves (not to say that all teenagers are selfish, but developmentally that is where most of them are) You are probably wondering at this point where I am going with this. I find that I have no trouble connecting to students, but I do have trouble figuring out how to parlay that ease of connecting into something that inspires introspection, goal-setting, looking into the future, getting themselves "on their feet." The reason I like my school so much is that we are a school of second chances and my colleagues are absolutely amazing at inspiring a turn-around in people. I see it everyday around me and I am constantly taking in what they are doing and trying to apply it myself. I am working on my own style. In the beginning of the year I decided to use an Ice Breaker, which worked really well but I was so rushed at the beginning and so concerned about what I was doing day-to-day with my classes that I didn't take the time to read the Ice Breakers carefully. Today, I passed out the Ice Breaker again and a Student Self-Evaluation. Now that I have 3 semesters under my belt and I have a few seconds to spare, I spent a few minutes carefully examining what my new and continuing students wrote. I see now that I may have some valuable information. I can recognize that each one of them has a story, they are diverse in their thinking, their backgrounds, their learning, their writing/communication skills, their goals, aspirations, motivations, pre-conceived notions (towards me, teachers in general, school, and science), etc. I think I have come up with something that I may tweak here and there, but more-or-less I will use it on the first day for all my classes indefinitely. I gave them a handout with a list of "Finish This Sentence" phrases and told them to complete all, some, or none of it. I have only had one student so far choose not to fill it out (he is also a student whose life is chaos and only showed up for the last 10 minutes of class to put his head down on the desk and I unfortunately and now having to drop him from my class) I want to share some of my students' sentences anonymously as a reminder of the things going on in their minds as we are trying to cram difficult math problems, abstract concepts, or troubling vocabulary into their brains. Not that we as teachers should excuse behavior or laziness because we feel sorry for students, but because we need to recognize where they may be coming from. If they are at a breaking point, there is no use in pushing them over the edge. I am constantly searching for ways of doing this, but part of our job is also to inspire... otherwise why not have classes on the internet?? It is example that we lead and the opportunity to inspire that makes teaching a worthwhile profession. When I look up.. "I wish God could could take me" When it rains I... "get sad" If I had a million dollars... "I'll buy my mom a house" If I could live forever... "I would try to make peace in the world" If you visit my hometown... "it would suck for you" If you visit my hometown... "you wouldn't like it" The last time I cried... "?I try not to" When I was five... "I had many doubts about life" After reading these, it really helped me see my students as people who want to be inspired... who are needing...

I'm Back

2009-01-27T03:38:00Z

I have been on a hiatus from blogging. Let me explain: I'm engaged :) ... holidays... end of course testing at school... end of semester grades... February graduation coming up... So as of last week I feel like things are slowing down and I have a hold of everything finally and I have the time to write and reflect again!! I am in the midst of planning my wedding and last week we finalized the date and have a priest. I also have my dress!!! And several other details which I am really excited about. I decided mid-week, last week that I have my shit together. I don't know how long this will last ... but it is a nice feeling. I am starting my fourth semester in my second year, so I have taught biology and chemistry all the way through 3 times and I am FINALLY feeling comfortable with the material. I also don't feel so anxious about classroom management. Part of the classroom management piece is the time of year. In the beginning of the year we have all new students who are angry at school, hate teachers, haven't bought into the idea of a second chance, feel worthless or stupid, and it shows more in their behavior. I'm not saying that it becomes effortless in the second semester, but I am saying it is not such an uphill battle. The majority of students have adjusted to the school and though we have rolling admission we don't get as many at one time as we do in the first month. I am about to start the new semester on Wednesday and I am really excited. I look forward to having class time that is not devoted to cramming for a test... I will get to doing more labs, meet new students, & see most of my fall semester students move on to new classes with a sense of accomplishment. I am going to set a few goals for the new semester. ONE is to stick to my timeline. I ran out of time last semester in both subjects and I paid for it in the end (thus no time to blog). TWO is to use my ease of connecting to students to help them set goals and see a reason for setting those goals. THREE is to be smarter about my use of time in the classroom, not let things drag, build in ways for students to switch activities so they don't get bored, build in "down time" for current events discussion, etc. FOUR is to be more active in my attendance group. I am good about helping to plan, but in the discussion itself I do a lot of listening (which is more-or-less good) but I know it would be more balanced if I had a little more input, just to facilitate discussion. FIVE organization organization organization... specifically keeping crap OFF my desk. :)

Jokes

2008-12-08T21:00:00Z

Ok, so today I checked off... lets say about 5 things off my over-achiever list from yesturday. Then I got really frustrated during the last 2 periods of school and even simple tasks became insurmountable obstacles . I went seeking advice from a few other teachers after school and upon being unable to open a plastic box of cookies... I promptly threw it back at the table, dramatically . The cookie box had defeated me. Ohhhhh LIFE IS GOOD:) Moving on... I had a nice conversation and felt much better about everything and all is well in my world again. I am learning. When I got back to my desk, I was happy to see a comment on my last blog including a little joke . Which reminds me to have a little fun . :) 50 JOKES : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7GvstxiH-M Happy Monday... no one ever says that!?!

Carpe Diem

2008-12-07T16:54:00Z

the days are racing past me in a blur... calendar pages are rapidly flying off the wall and leaving me and all my plans in the dust wondering where the time went... I have decided to spend this lazy Sunday with 3 cups of coffee (excessive, I know) figuring out how I am going to prepare my students for their exams after break. This time last year, I distinctly remember a knot forming in the pit of my stomach and remaining there until after the semester exams were over . (we are 4x4 so our courses end in January) That was my first semester... During my second semester I was all pleasant and relaxed about the exams until 2 weeks out when I fell into a constant state of anxiety. An improvement. So in this, my third semester I guess my goal is to only suffer 1 week of freaking out. For anyone who read my last entry... you know how stressed I was a few weeks ago and I was determined to come up with a solution. I am still working on my 4th period class, but things are much better and I have a good outlook now. My department chair asked that I make a list of everything from major concerns to minor details that I am worried about at school and to put an asterisk on any that I think she can help with. Since I am a fan of listing in my blog, I have decided to work it out in here and then revise it for my dept. chair to read. MY LIST OF THINGS GREAT AND SMALL This is completely out of order and random, like a brainstorm... to be organized later... it also may not make a ton of sense to a reader, but it would just take too much time to include an explanation of every little list detail and you will get the general idea... Packet of exam prep stuff for chemistry " " for biology Color-coded slips with "exam-taker" and "not exam taker" for students learn tina turner dance for the talent show, practice at lunch interims due wednesday - grading meet with CZ outside of class about grading essays review games evolution unit evolution bulletin board revise evolution test new posters by my desk sort papers in the trays individual meetings with 1st period and maybe 2nd period ?? giant calendar in both classrooms work individually with K and E (students) in chemistry cards for veterans with mentees soup group next monday Group meeting tomorrow with students, then with teachers on tuesday, plan for next group meeting next week 2 lab activities for chemistry clip bird evolution in biology what supplies do we need to order? tomorrow - half class pull test takers ... strangely after writing that list it doesn't seem like that much... I mean I guess its kindof a lot, but not really that bad, not as bad as I thought it would be!!! I am going to spend the rest of today making exam review packets...

You can lead a student to water...

2008-11-22T18:39:00Z

Avoiding chaos.... avoiding chaos... avoiding chaos... ... the problem with my mantra is that the chaos theory tells me that things tend towards disorder. Am I in a continuous fight with the inevitable? I try to maintain vigilance... nip in the bud... etc., but a few lapses in judgment and I was back to ground zero: UTTER CHAOS. If I had been able to pull myself together and actually write in my blog last Friday (instead of scribbling a few incoherent thoughts then discarding the whole idea of blogging for about a week)... it would have looked something like this: AAAAAARRRGGGHHHHHH#@%@#%^%^%#%$#^#%# I think last Friday 4th period hit my limit... crossed my line or whatever... there are several things that led up to this point that I will not get into... but the main idea is that I had lost control and they did zippy work Friday afternoon and left me staring silently in the middle of the room with chaos ensuing all around. I was too angry to talk or think or care. One student is grabbing crickets and throwing them in the lizard cage, another throwing paper clips at a giant magnet, two are walking around the room yelling to each other about the latest and greatest video game, another is giving the the play by play of my reactions " and now Ms. H is giving up on us ," another is texting rapidly on his cell phone, and one lowly student is actually taking a practice test amidst it all. Starting on Monday morning, my entire week was fueled by the fire they lit in me to regain control. And apparently some part of me likes a challenge. I spent most of my planning time, time before school, after school, and before I fell asleep devising schemes for tricking, bribing, inspiring, or coercing my class to take me seriously. I worked on reorganizing the class, revamping my plans, restructuring the period. I used up my own creative juices and collaborated with my colleagues picking their brains for solutions they have used in the past. I think it has been effective but I am now very nervous about the delicate balance I have between regaining control and losing it again. Last Friday: CHAOS - Students were telling me that I was too nice to drop or fail them and that I was giving up. I left school with a headache and a bad mood. I was tearing out my hair and one co-worker insisted that I knew what to do, but I did not believe that. Monday: FEAR OF PUNISHMENT, immediate consequences to actions - Recycling day was set-up in the library with 3 stations. It was supposed to be sort-of fun... breaking the routine. However I was reluctant to take my class. The agreement was that they would be kicked out if their behavior was anything resembling Friday. Before leaving I had one student test me, "So Ms. H, I can't do this? ( picks up physics toy keyboard and presses a button ) Me: NO "Or this?" ( plays more keys on the toy ) Me: You have just earned yourself an hour and a half of taking a practice test instead of recycling day. (I was firm and resolved and serious) And so the rest of us went to recycling day with a warning that "You too could end up taking a test instead of participating" Tuesday: WAKE-UP CALL, no you cannot pass a chemistry test with common sense - Part of the problem is that I have several smart kids who think they don't need to learn anything to pass end of course exams. And it honestly might be true in some classes but Chemistry is not like that. Everyone took a practice test and no one passed. This went exactly as I expected because they haven't learned enough yet. At this point, two things are checked off my list... they have realized consequences to their actions, and have a reason to learn. Next what? The previous methods I was using of a self-paced class would not work with the immaturity that I was facing. Wednesday: NEW STRUCTURE, yes you pissed off Ms. H and now she is cracking the whip - No more internet privileges. In first period, everyone listens to music, but they also do their work, ask questions, learn, and they respect me. In fourth, there will be no internet. I chose a topic that everyone needs work on based on the test results - Experimental Design - and the entire class worked on the same thing at the same time. There was a lot of resistance, but there was no choice because I also decided that completing the work correctly would be worth 25 points (which is much more than the amount of points they normally acquire in one day, it was no longer an option to meet their daily goal). Thursday: BRANCHING OUT, because everyone participated yesterday now we can do a mini-lab - I was a little less step-by-step. We did a density lesson. I did the example problems and everyone did the rest on their own. Then we calculated the density of several cubes. The first hour was very structured but I started to lose them a little as the activity started. There was waaaay more learning going on then last week. Overall I was happy but we still have a ways to go. Friday: MYSTERY ACTIVITY, rewarding good behavior and getting students back on my side - I did not come up with this idea... but I was very grateful to my Sped teacher who suggested it and helped me implement it! The topic of the day was radioactivity. The assignments were a video, notes, and book work. The suggestion was that the students who complete everything in a given amount of time, get the reward of doing the "mystery activity." The mystery activity was a lab, that we use M&Ms for. The reasoning is that students who do not work and are out of control cannot be trusted to do the lab. So the book work was given a 20 minute limit. Myself and the sped teacher were both in the room reminding students... 15 mins left, 10 mins, 8 mins, 4 mins, 2 mins... Some students picked up on the idea that it was worthwhile to finish within the time frame and they hurried. Others dilly-dallied and refused to finish on time or tried to copy (but no one would let them because they were afraid to miss out on the activity). TIME. All students who completed their work left with me and we went to another classroom where the M&M lab was set-up. It was the last 30 minutes on a Friday and they were very content to do a lab, following directions, eating M&Ms and drinking soda. I had 4-5 students who turned in very nice graphs representing radioactive decay. They other students remained in the original classroom and finished the book work. I was happy because I got to actually do a lab with students who wanted to do it and listened to everything I told them. They were OK now with Ms. H "cracking the whip" because they realized that I still want them to do fun labs, I just need them to cooperate! I am still not sure about the few students who have been missing out on activities and refusing to do work. That is where the title of this post comes into play. My spin on the old adage is "You can lead a student to water but you can't make them think ." That leaves me with another challenge for next week. .... I felt a thousand times better starting my weekend. I went to a brief happy hour, followed by the movie Twilight (which I have been anticipating since last January!), and a lively game of monopoly in which I was crushed severely. If last weekend's song was, My Chemical Romance's "I'm Not OK", this weekend's song is Rihanna's "Disturbia"... bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum...

Reaching Hard-To-Reach Students

2008-11-13T05:58:00Z

There are so many times when I feel extremely lucky to be working in my alternative school. There are a million things that I like about it... but then there are weeks like this when I remember the trade-off. Things that make my job easier: leniency (I don't have to enforce as many rules), open-campus setting, great admin., great department, lots of support from sped, esol, and counseling, smaller classes, building good student-teacher relationships, reaching students and having the opportunity to help them change their lives for the better, offering a second chance. Things that make my job harder: rolling admission, attendance, apathy... and the frustration of wondering do I ever really make a difference? are some of their issues just too much to overcome ?? can I realistically do all that much? how do I make a difference? The last part is the hardest thing to wrestle... sometimes I am sure that I am making a difference... and whenever I talk to people who are uninvolved in the field always assume... of course you are making a difference, and they act like my job is some amazinlgy difficult challenge and I am some kind of saint for working with these wretched messed up kids... and that is when I realize that I am talking to someone who has no idea what I do! I mean it is flattering and all to have a job that others find challenging, but its not like I'm walking on water. Also, the students are not horrible and wretched... they are just people who come from situations where its been one shitstorm after another and school has not been working for them. And although teenagers are often looked at in a negative light... they are just trying to make sense of life... and usually a life that they have had little control over up to this point in time. I have had several things on my mind at school that are just hard to reconcile. One is that Group has started and it apparently has not been going well. Group is for students who are targeted with attendance problems who seem most likely to drop out. So far in two meetings the response has been apathetic and lots of staring at each other and answering "I dunno" to most questions. In trying to figure out how to make group better, we had a meeting that was just overall very bleh... and didn't get much accomplished. Just that Group is not working and we really don't have control of making the students care. Our school has grown A LOT since last year and I am now a mentor to several students... and I have hardly had a chance to do any mentoring of them. I don't even know if I can remember all the students who I have signed up to mentor and some still need to technically sign up for the program. I am going to try to do more with them, so I am setting out to list them here with fake names and make a little goal for each one. Another thing is that this year we have to document our hours to get credit for it... last year I mostly just did things like eat lunch with them, but maybe I should aim for a little more structure this time. 1. Vicky - She was in my class last year and I became her mentor then. She has a baby at home and a boyfriend who she is always with in the hallways. She has my phone number as a contact for her to call when she has baby questions since I am a Biology teacher, for example, the doctor gave her the option for whether to give her baby antibiotics and she wanted a second opinion. Sometimes she hangs out in my classroom for lunch. Otherwise I don't see much of her. I would like to plan for us to eat lunch more often. 2. Sean - This is a current student of mine in Chemistry. He is falling behind on the material, he is often late, and I am almost concerned that he should be in special ed. I don't know if he has been tested before. I don't know anything about his home life or where he came from. My goal for him is just to find out what I can do for him as a mentor. 3. Allen - He just finished my class (he started the year with .5 credit). When I became his mentor, the goal was to help him with the college application process, which he has not started yet. I am not sure when he is graduating, so I should find that out. Also, he is the student whose brother died last week, so in addition to helping with college maybe I can check up on him from time to time. I would like help him set up an appointment with the counselors to talk about college and make sure he goes to the next mentor social for lunch. 4. Richard - I share responsibility for this mentee because he has 2 other mentors... he likes the program, haha. But I think I am the most recent person who has had him in class. He just finished my class and he is in Group. My goal with him is to talk to him almost daily and encourage him to come to school, on-time, and not get discouraged. He is super super close to finishing but still considers dropping out. 5. Elaine - She is always late. Very sweet and nice and works hard, but absent minded. She needs to organize her life better. I think she is also considered at-risk for substance abuse... lots of friends who party. I have the easiest time talking to her and encouraging her, but I am not really sure what to do. Perhaps buying her a planner/organizer as a Christmas present would be the best thing I can do! 6. Sharleen - She is my newest mentee and the most difficult. She is currently making below 50% in my class, and not because she doesn't try but because she is completely withdrawn and lost when it comes to school work. She is 17 and only has 1 credit in HS. Her background is ROUGH and I mean ROUGH . I can't even get into it, but I have no idea what I can do for her other than be nice. She is really sweet, but making a connection there is going to be hard. My main goal is just to talk to her a little everyday and hopefully help her to see some amount of success at school. ...I think that is everyone

All Mixed Up... (warning... this entry includes sadness)

2008-11-03T21:40:00Z

I wrote this post a few days ago and was going to just save it for myself instead of posting it... because it touches on the personal side and I'm not sure how relate-able it is... but I resigned to posting it today because maybe it will peak interest, or maybe more people can relate than I think. to School 8:25 AM This morning I got to school later than usual and was greeted by a few teachers here and there... all of us looking forward to a warm breakfast in the workroom and a day without the students to finish our quarter grading. It was drizzly and a little ominous outside so I was getting a slow start. Before I jumped into paperwork, I set out to do water testing for our saltwater aquarium to make sure the environment is all good for our anemone. I was very proud of myself for doing this first thing on a Monday morning because I frequently put it off. After 1) filling up the vile with water and 2) dropping Bottle #1 Nitrate stuff, 3) shaking, then 4) adding Bottle #2 Nitrate stuff and setting it aside... I was just starting to fill the second vile, for Nitrite, when the principle walked in the room. - The First News - 8:50 AM He said in a solemn voice, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" something I don't think that had ever happened because I get all my messages/feedback/information/evaluations through the APs... immediately my pulse went up and I was nervous... either I am in trouble or something bad happened. I stepped out into the hall and he said, "This is going to be hard. One of your students died this morning. It was in a car crash, this morning at 4:30. Now its good that the rest of the students are going to have a few days off from school but when they come back its going to be real tough around here. I just wanted to tell all of his teachers before I send out a message to the rest of the staff." I nodded and said "uh-huh" as I felt my face become two shades paler and about an inch longer... the second he stepped out into the hall I walked straight into my dept. chair's room with tears welling in my eyes and told her... she is amazing and right away understood why it would be so particularly sad for me that this student died. The student is full of life, has like triple dimples and smiles all the time. A perfect fit for the alternative school because he has had a 180 turnaround and is getting an "A," works hard, well adjusted, etc. Myself and 3 other coworkers sat around talking about it for a few minutes... not knowing what to say and it is obvious that I was the most affected (being the only one in the room who had him in class). We all kept repeating that we just could not imagine it, that it wasn't real, and that we felt awful for the family. I started to think about how affected my class would be and how 4th period just would not be the same... how I was about to do my grading... and I would be grading his work post-mortem... I was wondering if he had fallen asleep at the wheel, was he drunk or high? I hoped not, but I guess it wouldn't matter at this point. Why was he out at 4:30 AM anyways? I knew the road where the accident was and I was wondering which telephone pole he hit... were there any passengers... what did it look like? why one of my students? how would his family handle it? I had met his mom and I could imagine her breaking down... then I thought about how useless this quarter had suddenly became for him in the grand scheme... he was on the brink of success and now his life was cut short, tragically and unexpectedly, and now it was like it didn't matter... what a rotten situation... I didn't want to deal with thinking about it anymore... Breakfast 9:00 AM Breakfast was ready in the workroom and the other teachers were already there... I was just on my way when I heard the news... so I knew that no one else had found out yet. I scurried in, grabbed some food and left. I felt kind of rude and awkward as I skirted away from teachers making conversation with me while I was only answering abruptly... yes ... my weekend was great , thanks ... I didn't want to be rude but I really wanted to just go back in the room with the other teachers who knew so we could talk about it. Maybe 15-20 minutes passed and since I am no stranger to grief I think my mind expedites the process a little. I had played out the whole thing in my head and was thinking of what I needed to do, like a checklist. I will have to calculate his grade and submit it, I will see his mom at the funeral and tell her how amazing her son was, I will probably cry then, I will need something to wear to the funeral, I will have to feel the devastation again when my students come to class Wednesday and his seat is empty, I will have to empty out his binder and throw away all his papers... it will change the class... it might change me a little because it is the first time I have had a current student pass away... I'll have to say something to the students. Revised News 9:30 Then, the unexpected thing happened... the principle walked back to the doorway of my class and said to us, "The initial police report was wrong... it was the student's older brother, who graduated last year"... My reaction was unsettling... when you hear that someone dies, it is so final. All that you want to hear is that somehow is just isn't true... and then that is exactly what I did hear. It is one of the only things you ever hear that is final. And then it was suddenly taken back. All those thoughts I had had were totally wrong... misinformation... they could just vanish if I would let them. The student would be back in my class... as usual, or as usual as he can be now that he has lost a brother. I felt relief and guilt simultaneously wash through me... the guilt became stronger as a realized that the two other teachers in the room who hardly knew my student both had really known his brother well. One of them became nauseous and we were just in shock. What a terrible mistake to make - not that it was anyone's fault in particular... I guess the accident was so bad that they identified him wrong. The weirdest part is that I couldn't correctly see the situation anymore... it was tainted by my relief and the fact that I had already imagined the whole thing differently. I had to sort-of reset my brain and think through it again...

Having the Sniffles...

2008-10-30T21:46:00Z

So I got my flu shot last week and here I am... sick. I'm not saying its related because the doctor told me its not... I'm just saying... I try to be all responsible and preventative and I get sick anyways. This week I feel like I have accomplished nothing at home or at school. I have an annoying but semi-tolerable headache / sore throat / fever combination... and it has stopped me dead in my tracks. Coincidentally, grades are due, its *Halloween*, and I have a wedding to go to this weekend. I haven't decided whether staying home or sticking it out in school is better. I have tried both. Either way no grading or thinking or planning gets done. When I have attempted thinking this week... the results have been sad. I have done things like create a matching section of a test with no correct answer options ... and a word bank where I f orgot to scramble the word bank and the answers where given in order . Today I gave in. Zippy thinking. We watched Jurassic Park. And discussed the ethics of using DNA from dinosaurs to create an amusement park. This afternoon I was incapable of completing a sentence because I just forgot... I felt feverish and I realized I couldn't remember what the heck I was even talking about... it was actually one of the more embarrassing moments I have had as a teacher because it was just so so awkward . Not like the normal forgetting something but literally cutting off mid-sentence right before the punchline of a story... and I had to just admit that the story flew out of my mind and I sat down behind my desk and told everyone to carry on... needless to say the students thought it was hilarious and some of them thought I was on drugs. But I'm not even taking cold medicine! The most frustrating thing is that I've been questioning myself all week... is this normal? does everyone feel so out-of-commission when they are sick? Why am I so hair-brained just cause I don't feel good? Am I a terrible teacher who is neglecting her classes? How am I going to get my grading done? What magical multi-vitamin can I take to never get sick again? I am so not okay with being sick. I feel like I am missing whatever spunk and enthusiasm I might normally have. I have always been pathetic when I'm sick... I'm still scarred by a childhood memory of strep throat... the day I got a 33% on a spelling test... when I normally got 95%'s. I guess I just have to admit that I am a miserable sick person, I am self-selecting myself out of all the Halloween fun for the weekend...

Navigating Teacher Politics

2008-10-23T21:01:00Z

Enough about the national election... the politics that really dictate my life on a daily basis happen every day right between these walls. Can I get an Amen? I thought I went back to high school to teach and not relive it... but it turns out that the culture of high school oozes from the walls and seeps into teachers brains controlling their every interaction. dun dun dun As a first year teacher, I never realized that I subconsciously chose a side with every insignificant decision I made: other staff member: Are you going to drop that student? They have too many absences? me: Not yet, second chance other staff member: How do you feel about YouTube? me: I like it other staff member: What committee are you signing up for? me: "Blank Committee" ... the one where we are advocates for the students (or enablers depending on where you stand on the issue ) other staff member: Now are you going to drop that student? me: No, third chance, the student had a court date other staff member: Was that one of your students J-walking on the field trip? me: yes (d*mmit I thought they ran when no one was looking) other staff member: Was that your student who did a project on tattoo art? Scandalous. me: yes (... but it was relevant... chemistry? ink? ...no?) other staff member: Have you dropped that student yet? me: no, the student has a lot going on and they are joining the group to talk about it... you know from the "Blank Committee" In addition, I always get my advice from the Good Side teachers. (I'll call it them the Good Side because I apparently am on it... not because the other side is Bad... we'll just call them the Other Side ) Some of my decisions were rookie mistakes - totally unintentional (such as the J-walking) and others were telling of what philosophy I will have as a teacher. Now, in my second year, I am a regular veteran... with my head clear from the fog that is a new teacher's brain... I am realizing where I stand... I am no longer an unknown entity. A wild card. The good news is that I like my side of things... I will put myself out there: not strict, not overbearing, lenient with some rules, but strict about learning the material, willing to listen to students, willing to give that second, third, and fourth chance without a doubt, open door policy - if a student walks in my room and asks for a snack I say hell yes, always willing to try fun things to spice up the day - field trips, class pets, etc .... as I see it I am an advocate for the students and I trust them and treat them like adults (more-or-less... remember my school is alternative, open campus and mostly 17 and older)... from the Other Side I suppose I could be considered an enabler, too nice, inexperienced, etc... I haven't given it much thought as to whether anyone is critical of me really... All I know is I took a step in the direction of the Good Side by becoming a group leader in the "Blank Committee." Today I had my first run-in... The conversation went something like this: me talking a lot about group enthusiastically and the other teacher looking at me blankly, then awkwardly skirting away without saying anything... the elements of this run-in that remind me of my own experience in high school are 1. awkward 2. awkward 3. uncomfortable 4. slightly put-down Of course I discussed this experience with another from the Good Side and that inspired this blog today about teaching culture. I don't really have any qualms with any individuals on the Other Side and I like them as people, they just have a different philosophy. Regardless of my opinion on the whole thing... I am sensing more awkward conversations in my future.

The Art of Teaching

2008-10-22T01:24:00Z

What I find to be the most frustrating thing now is something I can't quite put my finger on. I am overall very happy with my job and career choice as a teacher. In addition I stumbled upon working at an alternative school and this has been really good for me... I think a better fit than a regular school would have been. I find it rewarding and I am happy to go to work every day but there is this underlying frustration that I have and when I try to get to the bottom of it... perhaps it is just lack of experience. I was trying to plan a lesson a few weeks ago and talking to a co-worker about how I wanted to plan my unit. I decided to write a "Unit Skeleton" which I posted right here in this blog. But I wasn't happy with my unit skeleton. When he asked what it is that I wanted out of my plans and why I wasn't happy with it... and would I rather have everything planned out really far ahead and not have to worry about it or does that make me feel trapped and would I rather leave room for tweaking things as I go... I answered both... and he responded saying " You just want 40 years of teaching experience " ... and that has stuck in my mind... maybe that is what I want (well not really because I like being young and vibrant and all that, but as far as my frustrations in the classroom go, I guess there is nothing better than experience... and there are some things I just hate about being a rookie) Again today I was planning and I felt like I could hardly even pin down the curriculum that I wanted to teach... and figure out how much I can teach in one lesson... I stayed at school until 8PM!! I think something I really need to work on is how to get the lessons to be relevant to the students... but its not just that... there is relevance... its moreso how I am conveying it that bothers me. I think I need acting lessons or speech class or some kindof training in entertainment ... something to bring more enthusiasm into my routine . My students seem to be learning... but they still kind of hate chemistry or they think biology is hard. It seems to me like they are getting it, but I hate when they feel like it is "sooo hard"... when I was a student and I thought classes were hard, I attributed it to the teacher being disorganized or unclear or something ... even really "hard" subjects like organic chemistry can feel easy if they are being taught correctly... and I don't feel like I always have the right presence in the classroom. I don't know if this is something that comes with experience or what... I think my students like me well enough... they are not jumping off the walls and screaming... they seem to be getting the material... so I should be really happy... and don't get me wrong, I am counting my blessings... but I still have this long list of things to work on. Since I hate having really vague goals because then they never get accomplished... I am going to try and create a little task force or agenda for how I am going to conquer this frustration from my lack of experience. Maybe it is just a lack of experience, but if I don't try new things I will become strapped down by my old habits and never grow as a teacher or really as a person. Here goes: 1. For unit planning, I have no shame in getting lots of help from colleagues. I am going to continue asking others to proofread and stealing ideas that work. Each time I ask for help, I come away with little "gems" from experienced teachers. 2. Before I start class, I am going to write a list of my goals. It can be short and on scrap paper, but it has to be in my mind before the class starts. 3. I almost want to say I will do some deep breathing exercises or something before class starts!! One of my students told me I am stressed out... which I didn't think I was... but when I thought about it, I probably look stressed... bouncing around the room, shooing kids in and out of the classroom, etc... 4. Remembering to keep a calm and welcoming atmosphere in the classroom 5. Giving students more wait time. I think that part of why I feel like I am not making things relevant is that I speed over some ideas and I don't give students the chance to process it before I am on to the next topic. It makes sense, right? Look at the way I write... one topic to the next, on and on... I am worried that that carries over into my teaching. I am going to work on slowing it down... turning it down a few notches and making sure that the students are with me, and getting them to take ownership. 6. When I ask questions I will make sure that all students give feedback... either written, hand raising, out loud, etc. 7. Encourage students to ask more questions... so I can find their pitfalls and get them interested in learning

#5 Reward Students for Working Hard

2008-10-21T03:10:00Z

Even though I just wrote an entry about Halloween... I feel on a roll and I never really finished writing about each thing on my "Avoid Chaos" Checklist. I have been following the list as best as I can this semester and I have felt significantly less chaotic than last year. Although... today was a little iffy in the chaos department... some days are just going to be like that. As far as rewarding students goes, I think that I am a little shy which makes my verbal rewards skimpy. That is something I need to work on personally. I think I need to get used to the idea that they are dependent on me for feedback. Verbal rewards aside, I think I have been doing a great job in Biology with rewards and average in Chemistry. Biology - In this class, I have everyone moving at the same pace. Since we are all doing the same activities at the same time it is easier to monitor progress. I have been using a system lately where I use smiley faced stamps and stickers pretty frequently. I also bribe students who are willing to write their answers on the board with candy. Today, a talkative girl in my class said, "Ms. H you spoil us." I know candy is kindof a "new teacher crutch"... but everyone loves candy and they need to get motivated somehow... Chemistry - This class is more self-paced, so there are less whole class activities. In this class, there is more verbal feedback. I think I am better in chemistry for some reason at telling the students they are doing well when they work hard, but I don't think I am very consistent Planning a system for rewards... Thinking about rewards systems reminds me that I have not put into place the system I had going last year with monopoly money. When the new quarter begins, I think I will start it up again. It is pretty simple. Basically I made funny-money for each class " BioBucks " and " ChemiCash ." Each time students won in a jeopardy game, did something above and beyond, or helped around the classroom, their reward was a few dollars of BioBucks or ChemiCash. Then i made a little shopping list of rewards. It varied from extra credit points to the whole class pooling their money to buy a free movie day. In addition to using it for rewards... it could be used to monitor behavior or progress on a regular basis. For example, "All students who complete 5 pages by tomorrow will recieve $5..." Sometimes the best part about the money-system last year was that it made everyone more compliant. Any time I thought the room was messy... "Who wants $5... collect all the pens and pencils, organize the shelves... the winner of Genetics Pictionary gets $5... etc..." The only flaw was that students jokingly started to gamble their winnings... I had to put an end to that!! I think when I start it up again, I will keep a running tally posted on-line, almost like a debit account for each student, so they can't steal, trade, or gamble.

Halloween meets curriculum

2008-10-21T02:51:00Z

Today I was shopping for some sort of giant keychain for my mentee, who often loses her keys. I found just the right pink puff-ball with sliver tinsle when I noticed that all the Halloween costumes were out. I thought I would take a gander since I haven't come up with any ideas yet. Then I saw it... bright yellow, almost glowing, was a cheerleader wig. No, I am not going to be a cheerleader. .. the yellow was so electric it looked nearly radioactive . Radioactivity ... part of my chemistry curriculum and the main topic of my read-aloud, The Radioactive Boyscout . I am going to be Radioactive for Halloween. The best part is that I pretty much only need the wig, some glowing accessories, and a T-shirt that has the radioactivity symbol on it. After a long day... a case of the Mondays... it was a fun pick-me-up to plan for Halloween. While I am thinking about it... I have decided this year that I am not trying. Last year I attempted to really teach on Halloween. It was a mistake . This year... if you can't beat 'em, join 'em . I figure at least this year it's on a Friday and it is the last day of the quarter. I will be finished giving all tests and quizzes... all work must be turned in on Thursday for the quarter. For the one or two kids that are missing work, they can make it up or whatever and the rest will basically have a Halloween activity and/or a movie to watch. A few ideas that I have are: melting caramels and dipping apples in them ( hello... phase change from a solid to a liquid ), making ooblick ( is it a solid or a liquid? how can it be both? )... watching Jurrassic Park or Gattaca ( DNA... Biology )