Search results matching tags 'teachers' and 'positive'

Be the Mirror

Anonymous — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 23:50:00 GMT

I've recently been nominated for an educational award. As part of that process, I am required to provide at least three references recommending me for this award. I was a bit uneasy asking people to do this for me. Just like most teachers, we don't get into this career for rewards and praise.

Yesterday, as I was preparing to come home, Staci Hawkins, a fellow teacher, told me she had left her letter in my teacher box. I thanked her and headed out, making a stop a the teacher boxes. As I started reading, I was moved to tears. She outlined all the characteristics she felt that I possessed that made me a good teacher. I was seeing myself through her eyes.

Once I composed myself, I began to reflect on how many others never get to see themselves through others' eyes...especially our students. In the community where I teach, many of my students go to home where they are the caregiver of younger siblings. They are responsible for making sure everyone gets their homework done, everyone eats dinner, and everyone takes a bath before going to bed. Many of these parents are working two jobs to try to keep their heads above water. I even have students who are homeless. As a majority of my students are living in the poverty level, their family's primary focus is on survival.

I started to wonder, do my students see themselves for the amazing people that they are? At school, we all get overwhelmed and rush from one thing to another in an attempt to get as much accomplished as possible with our students. I have to admit that I have been guilt of saying trite things like "good job" or "way to go" without being more specific in identifying what they did. I realize that I need to make time for them to see themselves the way that I see them. Without me, they may never realize all the potential that they each possess.

For me, seeing that letter made me resolve to live up to those eloquent words. Our words will do the same for our students. So tomorrow when your students enter the classroom, be sure to actually SEE them and REFLECT back to them who they really are. Be the mirror for your students.

How do I help my 2 year old adjust to school?

Anonymous — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 04:32:00 GMT

Ms. Dorothy,
I am a working lady. My daughter is 2years and 4 months old, she is able to speak fluently in her mother tongue, and understands English as well. In my absence she is taken care by my Mother in law.
She got admitted to pre-kindergarten or nursery on 13th June. She goes to school in school van, her school timings are 8.30 am to 11.30 am, 5days a week. It’s been more than 2 weeks, but still cries a lot and reluctant to go school everyday. She wakes up in the morning and starts telling/crying “don’t want to go school” till she sits in school van.
I try to make her understand that school is a lovely place by telling many stories every night before getting sleep, but the next day morning it’s the same.
Even on off days i.e. Saturdays and Sundays, even after we tell her that. Saturdays and Sundays are holidays, making her ready as part of daily routine or plan to take out somewhere, she thinks that we might send her school, she is fearful and whole day very often she tells I don’t want to go school.
I spoke to her teacher; she says she is okay at school. She blames me that I am over anxious and over protective, that’s why my child is behaving so. But I don’t really admit.
Each day is getting a challenge for me. Please help me out to make my child comfortable to school.
-Concerned Mother

There are many reasons why children express fear about going to school.

The biggest worry is always that there is something happening at school which frightens her. An insensitive or neglectful teacher, a bully, even someone trying to do her harm. I can tell you that while this is every mother's greatest fear, it is very rarely the cause of a child's distress.

Chances are that the teacher is not blaming you as much as she is trying to reassure you of this fact.

Your daughter is probably safe and just fine in school as the teacher told you, but her fear and distress are also very real and should not be ignored.

By the age of 2, children are usually trying to figure out how to get what they want. Sometimes children your daughter's age become demanding, or throw tantrums, or tell people "no!" as they try to discover how to get their needs met. Your daughter may be expressing fear and trying to gain control of an uncomfortable situation.

While your daughter understands English, she may not be comfortable to express herself to people who do not speak her mother tongue. This could mean that the three hours she is in school feel very isolating to her. If she is not hearing the language that is most comfortable to her ears, those three hours can seem very long and distant.

She has also had the undivided attention of an adult up until now, and suddenly to have to share the only adult with other children in a class can be very hard for some children.

She may be experimenting with making you feel guilty, and trying to see if she can have her will. Or playing out behaviors she thinks are expected. Believe it or not, sometimes children think that they are expressing how much they love you when they cry about going to school, and that you might be disappointed if you thought they didn't miss you.

Sometimes children become distressed because they don't like letting a younger sibling have a parent's attention while they are not around.

There are some things you can do to help her with her worry about going to school.
What you are already doing - telling her stories to comfort her - is excellent, and you will need to be consistent and keep telling her about what a lovely place school is, and not let her see your concern.

Instead of talking about Saturdays and Sundays as holidays from school, try and talk about what sad days they are because she does not GET to go to school. If you are reassuring her in a way that makes her think school is something she has to tolerate, she may continue to resist it.
Stay positive and happy and excited when you talk about school.

When you see her at the end of the day, be excited to hear about the wonderful things she did.

Focus on how happy you are to hear about school and not on her distress.

You can also help her to choose something of yours (a necklace or bracelet that she can wear perhaps, or a photo of her loved ones) to bring with her to school. Something to hold onto when she misses you.

There is a book called "the Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn that can be helpful if your daughter is having trouble separating.

Find another family in the school to befriend and schedule play dates with.

Ask the teacher if you can donate a favorite toy of your child's to the classroom for her to look forward to playing with.

Give her crayons and let her express her worries on paper.

One final thought - while it seems like it's been forever, two weeks is not impossibly long, and she may yet make this adjustment on her own, don't give up!

I wish you both the best of luck.

Managing Behavior in Kindergarten (Part 2)

Anonymous — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 08:08:00 GMT

Ms. Dorothy,
My principal is concerned about my classroom management. I am not a brand new teacher, but this is my first year in kindergarten. All the tools in my bag of tricks seem to fall flat with these little guys. The hardest thing is getting through transitions, but I guess I'm struggling with getting their attention at other times too. I have a bell I ring, and I clap a rhythm, but they just aren't working well. I am sending home notes about behaviors daily and I'm not happy to have all this attention from the principal for what I'm not doing well. Maybe you have some ideas I can try?
- 6th year teacher

It is always hard to be asked to examine your practice, especially when you aren't aware that you are having a problem with something, but the reflection and new learning you are doing will be worth the work, both for you and for those kindees.

In the world of coaching, getting attention for what you are not doing well is called "deficit focused development" and it seldom works the way people who are proponents of it, believe it will.

If your principal turns his/her attention to what you are doing successfully, and provides you with models of teachers who are not struggling with transitions, you are more likely to notice the great "tools" other teachers are using on your own, and adapt them to your classroom.

Take some time to reflect on what you do well, visit other teachers, and build on strengths.

The important thing to remember is that transitions require routines, and routines have to be learned, and kindergarten children need a lot of practice and a lot of encouragement to master new routines.

Breaking your transition, or attention getting routine, down into the smallest possible parts, and instructing, and taking time to practice each of those steps, will yield the best results. There are some great resources for teaching routines available, just remember that kindergarten children need plenty of time dedicated to learning routines.

For those children who are not cooperating, the best thing you can do for them is exactly what would work best for you.

In the world of kindergarten, getting attention for what you are not doing well is called "behavior management" and it seldom works the way teachers who are proponents of it, believe it will.

If you turn your attention to what the students are doing well and are successful at, and you provide them with models of what it looks like to be doing it correctly, they are likely to mimic the correct behavior to earn your praise. They want to please you more than you can imagine, and that is the best tool in your bag of tricks by far!

I have some previous posts here, here, and here that talk about ways to encourage young children to "behave" in class. When in doubt, try talking to them about the problem and asking them to help brainstorm ways to work together better. You can always go to their greatest strengths and build on them.

The important thing to remember is that WHEN a consequence is necessary, when a situation deliberately endangers someone's physical or mental well-being, the response should be immediate and directly connected to the situation. A threat, or a punishment at another time, or that seems unconnected to the "crime" will not be effective and will frustrate you both.

Managing Behavior in Kindergarten (Part 1)

Anonymous — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 05:47:00 GMT

Ms Dorothy,

My son started Kindergarten in September. His teacher gives "smiley" faces when the student had a good day and "frowney" faces when the student has misbehaved. ______comes home almost every day with a "frowney" face. I spoke to his teacher and she says he is not cooperating. He speaks out of turn and is having trouble staying in his seat. I've talked to him till I'm blue in the face and punished him for his outbursts. I have a two and a half year old daughter and a newborn son - I'm at my wits end! Help!

- Mom of 3

Managing a class of 20 to 30 energetic 5 year olds is a unique challenge. It is as unlike handling preschoolers, as it is first graders. Kindergarten, in many places, is a half day of trying to help get children ready for the next 12 or 16 years of school.

Many teachers struggle with negotiating the challenges of a classroom full of people who may never have had to share an adult with more than one or two siblings before. Suddenly to find that you have 25 children, all of whom are accustomed to getting almost immediate attention when they want it, can be a nightmare.

There are a lot of "systems" out there to help teachers share responsibility with parents for "training" children to wait their turn, cooperate, or "behave." Smiley faces, cards colored for warnings, three strike rules, names on boards, numbered charts, stamps on hands - all of these are ways to coerce cooperation from children, and all of them hold the threat of reporting home as a consequence. Ironically, this happens in classrooms where "tattling" is taboo.

The truth is, that kindergarten children have already lived long enough to figure out that getting one of their most basic needs met, that of belonging, can happen one of two ways. What they desire most is the approval of adults around them, but barring that, getting attention for doing things wrong, will do.

They have managed for 5 years to learn most of what they know, not from being told, but from being praised for approximations. We encourage our children in crawling, walking, babbling, talking, riding a trike, etc., all through positive responses to their attempts.

Suddenly, at age 5, we ask them to share the praise with twenty or more others. We expect them to learn by listening and watching, and much less doing than they are accustomed to, and to get it right immediately upon being taught.

Kindergarten children are clever enough to settle, some of them quite quickly, for the attention that negative behavior brings. Getting singled out is, getting singled out, after all. The worst part of this is that your child will develop a pattern of behavior, and a reputation, that will travel with him throughout his school career if it isn't changed now.

Much more effective management happens when teachers expend the bulk of their energy finding the things their students are doing right, and praising them for it. Remarking about how one student is sitting patiently, while ignoring the one who is calling out, will instantly get several other children to sit patiently. It may not convince the "blurter" right away, but ignore that behavior a few times, and it will begin to change.

If your child's teacher is sending home reports, stamping his hand, giving out frowney faces, or the like, ignore it. Completely.

When he comes home, ask him what he was most proud of. Talk about that. And praise him for it. Turn his attention to what he is doing well.

And if you doubt that ignoring the teacher's frowny faces is the right thing to do, ask yourself what she would do if you sent a note in with him explaining that he hadn't eaten all his broccoli at dinner time.

How can I stop a class clown from cutting up?

Anonymous — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 15:35:00 GMT

Ms. Dorothy,

How do I curb my 5 year old's tendency to be the class clown without crushing his spirit? Any suggestions?

- Mom of a Kindergarten boy

If your son is any good at being a cut-up in school, he probably has some real leadership skills waiting to be refined. The last thing anyone should be doing is crushing that spirit.

If he is charming and the teacher can't resist him, and thinks of him as clever and funny, he has the potential to be a charismatic leader. If the teacher gets frustrated and annoyed with him, he has the potential to be a dynamic and challenging leader.

The world needs more of both.

Your son needs direction and guidance about how to direct this powerful energy. He needs to know that he is a great and natural leader, and that others listen to him, laugh with him, and are drawn to him because he is rare and remarkable. And he needs to know that "with great power comes great responsibility."

He needs to know that he can, and should, use his power for good.

Talk to his teacher about finding appropriate outlets for him to lead the class where he can have real control.

Get the class singing a chant, and let him orchestrate; directing one section to get louder and another to get quieter, directing the group when to stop. Let him create a new rule for a song or game that the class already knows, and let him explain his new (probably silly) rule and lead the class in playing his way. Have him make up new words to add to the end of a chant the class already knows.

Ask his teacher to give him opportunities to make the class laugh when it isn't a disruption. Knowing that he will have the chance to exert that kind of control once in a while will be a powerful carrot for the other times when the teacher needs to be in charge.

How can I stop this color card behavior management?

Anonymous — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 20:04:00 GMT

Ms. Dorothy,
We have had it with the red, yellow, green, purple behavior chart that this kindergarten teacher uses. Tomorrow is the last day prior to break and we are trying to figure a way to support _____, and support the teacher. Do you have any suggestions of ways a kindergarten teacher that is used to summative color behavioral grading can adapt or try something different?
-Concerned Dad

Nobody's day should be about their behavior. Better to focus on the effort given toward learning, or the quality of work produced, and to offer the teacher some other ways to manage the classroom.

What if you were to suggest that the teacher start handing out tickets. If she catches a child demonstrating a behavior she wants to see more of, she hands them a "ticket" (anything can work, I've seen them printed up with school behavior goals on them, but I've also seen just sticky notes used)

The children get to collect the tickets count them up, and work toward a goal.

When this is done well, the class can work to make sure that everyone goes home with at least one ticket at the end of the day - that could get the students noticing one another's positive behaviors, and then they can earn a ticket for being a good citizen and pointing out what someone else has accomplished.

Eventually it becomes self-sustaining where the children award one another tickets and count them up at the end of the day - till it starts to lose their interest and is forgotten. At this point, hopefully, the behaviors the teacher is hoping to encourage have become a part of how the students monitor themselves.

Ultimately, the goal should be intrinsic motivation and flow, not extrinsic rewards and fear of consequences for the best learning environment.